...a personal revolution

The lights are on but nobody is at home.

2008-10-16T09:13:00.004-05:00

con.sol.i.da.tion; strengthening: consolidation of principles and beliefs. the union of two or more claims or actions.

Sorry to get so technical but we are trying to "consolidate" our cyber lives. We are trying to make all AR blogs, ministry blog, personal blog and staff blogs fall under one site. And so this URL will no longer be our AR update/newsletetter/blog site. Instead you can visit us at www.ARblog.org and read up on our past and current affairs. Check out our personal blogs aswell as our staff's blog. Hope you like the changes. See you on the "consolidated" side.

Give us a King

2008-05-01T22:54:00.001-05:00

Recently I have found myself in the midst of “celebrity.” I came face to face with the beast of fame. I attended a dynamic lecture by Jeffrey Sachs on the Future of the Global Economy. He left us wanna be world changes oohing and ahhing… and groaning. Not only are his books great, he is a terrific public speaker. I think I got some stardust on me just before he went up to speak. Earlier in the week I found myself in the audience at the Oprah Show. She bathed in the adoration of the audience. I personally, was a little Oprahed out by the time she actually showed up. By midday I had definitely O.D.ed on Oprah. On the weekend a friend took me to a Bulls game where the CPS kids were going nuts for the Bulls... Oh, those lovable losers.

I saw it in myself at the lecture, the women at the Oprah show and the fans at the United Center.

Does the human condition cause us to crave a hero? Why do we so align our identity with our heroes… till they let us down. Society is addicted to celebrity. Yet celebrity is so fickle. Human beings can go from flipping burgers one day to becoming an Idol the next. Sadly we thrive on celebrity. You can text vote your worship or worship online… whatever is comfortable for you. Are our lives that boring? Are we still pursuing the mythical cool, introduced to us in Jr. High? Like candyfloss we consume it and are never satisfied and all the while making us sick. Why do we turn everyone and everything into a golden calf? I see it in the church just as much as in the world. Choose your super hero... Rob Bell or John Piper, Rick Warren or Bill Hybels, Donald Miller or Shane Claiborne?

I just finished reading this part in 1 Samuel where the people ask for a King… like everyone else. I imagine them chanting before Samuel “give us a King, give us a King!” Samuel is grieved, goes and prays and God warns them of what they’ll get; slavery, oppression etc… but they insist on it. They want it coz suddenly they know what’s best for them. So God gives them their King and they replace God with celebrity… and of course they get what He said they would. Oh, they/we never learn.

King Jesus, forgive our false-hero worship. Cast down the idols in my heart and make me as Samuel. May no one or nothing take your rightful place.

Winter Road Trip 08

2008-03-19T23:44:00.001-05:00

Annie and I with the Georgia folks, Sponbergs & Griffins

Hello everyone! This is an update from Annie, post-road trip. We traveled a lotta miles. We also had quite a range of experiences. We got to visit some old friends who have moved away from Chicago, spend good time with our interns for next year (and meet their families!), speak to churches, pastors, missions coordinators, get wined and dined by a southern businessman, and Allan even got the chance to speak to a couple 7th grade classes in Georgia about South Africa! ...It was a public school and he couldn't tell the students about the Biblical mandate behind our work, but he was able to challenge them to consider the choice between only living for themselves, or living for others. Hopefully planted a few seeds of counter-cultural thinking that Jesus can water with deeper truths later on.

Low Country Boil at the Griffin's

Jamie, Greg & Tyson // Will Brown with his famous smoke house brisket

By far one of the best parts of our trip, however, was meeting Pastor Larry Reid in North Carolina. After doing a presentation on AR at an informational session (organized to help our interns raise support, and to spread the Revolution) one woman approached us. Jeannie was actually hosting the meeting, and after hearing us share, really wanted us to meet a pastor friend of hers who serves at a small African American church in Chapel Hill. She contacted Pastor Larry, and before we knew it, we were at his church, 7:30am the next morning. This was a big shock for us, as very few pastors would give up any pulpit time this last minute to someone they had never met before (understandable!) This also happened to be the morning of the "spring forward" time change, and when we showed up, there were only 5 people there to greet us in the tiny chapel. I have to admit, my expectations were low, and I was fighting the feeling that we should have stayed in bed. During worship a few more people trickled in, and by the time Allan got up to share, we were sitting with a congregation of about 15. After sharing about our work, Allan sat down, and Pastor Larry promptly challenged his church, "I think it important church, that we put our faith into action, and support this couple’s ministry monthly." I was in shock, and unsure how serious he was. After a challenging sermon on Ezekiel, the Pastor approached us and said, "Let's get some sinews on the bones of this vision." I started crying, couldn't help it.

Jeannie, Allan, Annie and Pastor Larry

No one before has ever responded to us like Pastor Larry did. We went to brunch with him after, where he asked us great, thoughtful questions, gave us some serious and very helpful advice, and told us that he wants his church to be regular supporters of the first orphan home. This meeting was a much-needed gift to us of like-minded fellowship and deep encouragement. It was also the latest installment of a long-term, focus-shifting lesson God has been working on regarding our faith in His provision for around two years now: when we are tempted to believe that God has failed to provide what is necessary to realize the vision he has cast, we are wrong. That one took a while for me to get. Then the rest: if we push hard into Jesus, get serious about taking him at his word, if we wrestle with him when we’re frustrated, confess to him and to each other when we fail or judge others or don’t believe in him, and do the last thing he’s told us until he tells us the next thing…well, good things happen. I don’t know exactly what yet, but I do know that the more serious we’ve become about these things, the more real Jesus has become to me, and the more I am forced to go to him for advice, for energy, for encouragement, for actual moment-to-moment sustenance. It is by far the scariest and most exhausting way I have ever lived daily life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Annie

In Chapel Hill at the literal Chapel on the Hill

This guy really doesn't want a war!

2008-02-08T01:24:00.000-06:00

This goes out to my bro Dave Clark. (Dave I found the last of your triplet brothers... German, who knew!) This is the definition of an unfortunate accident... you'll know what I mean when you watch it.

I saw hell in heaven today

2007-12-12T01:48:00.000-06:00

I love Pearl Art & Craft Supplies on Chicago Ave and Wells St. In following the advice to, “find and do what fills your cup,” I’m pursuing more creative channels to rejuvenate and relax me. Painting does that for me. I’m no Rembrandt, but I like it. So I walked into Pearl after a long hiatus. I love this store, from canvases the size of swimming pools to acrylics every color you can imagine and more. Pencils, charcoal, paint and paper, this place is heaven for me. I love wandering the aisle with other artists just breathing it all in. We pleasantly smile at each other instinctively knowing the joy we share for a few moments in this paradise. Indeed this place is heaven… except on this occasion.

A dirty, scruffy guy, I can only imagine he was homeless, stood at the check out in front of me with one item in hand. The cashier uncomfortably went through with the transaction. Coughing and wheezing the guy avoided all eye contact with everyone and left with his single purchase; a big bottle of glue.
It broke my heart.
Back home the street kids sniff glue to get high as to escape the hell this world has become to them. It especially disturbed me today as I saw it in my heaven.

May you disturb our comfortable heavens, Father, so we may see the brokenness you so long to heal through us.

Something is missing

2007-11-04T23:00:00.000-06:00

- Thoughts on my church and why I think the Holy Spirit might have left the building

Today after church we had a “Feedback/ how are we doing as a church” session. Which when we were all said and done, felt a bit more like a We-are-the-greatest-church-ever cheerleaders rehearsal. The meeting seemed to be gaining some promising momentum…but was suddenly closed with a simple prayer. It felt dissatisfying and inconclusive. I exited the basement and walked out the door of the church to a chilly November afternoon. I looked up at the sky and felt my heart sink as the words and meaning of the meeting fell into place.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a disgruntled college student who wants church MY way. In fact I am very aware of the long journey a church must travel towards finding its identity (this is the second church plant that I’ve given myself to). I’m also no church expert or church consultant, so read my words with a bucket of salt. I’m just some guy with an opinion.

I have been going to this church for more than 3 and a half years, (6 months after its official start) and have seen it go through the wringer, to say the least. I LOVE the people at this church and they are my family in ways no other church body has ever been. These people are MY people. My involvement throughout the years has provided me with an up front view to the action. The thing is, 3 yrs ago we had a similar meeting with a room full of vibrant, passionate, people, like we did today. Back then we came up with the same dreams and visions that folks so readily offered up today. Yes, I want my church to be about “reconciliation,” “community” and “justice.” I want all these good things for us. But as I surveyed the room I realized that, of the room full of people that originally cried out these dreams and visions for our church a few years back, only 3 or 4 from that old group remained! I thought about all the people who were originally there and how over time, they had left. And I noticed today, that those most zealously sticking up their hands to exclaim what a wonderful church we are had only been there a few months or a year at best. The revolving door of our church has been spinning and continues to do so. Such is the nature of church in a big city. A sadness filled me as I realized and have been realizing over this last year; something is missing. Something is missing that only time is able to tell. There is a gap between envisioning and living out vision. There is this gaping divide between talking and doing. It’s easy to talk about justice and the beloved community, rather than do justice and become that community. And when it comes to my church, there has been a tragic failure in the execution of these very lofty values and ideals over the last 4 years. I fear that not only is something missing, but something is seriously broken.

During the meeting, red flags began to shoot up everywhere. It began to feel too internally focused. I know it was a “how are we doing as a church meeting,” but surely that doesn’t mean it’s all about “we, us and I.” People expressed a dislike of the churches that hurt them in the past and the new comfort they’ve found with us. Red flag. We lightly touched on the spirituality of our church, with (I believe) one comment on how we could do with some more organized prayer. Another red flag. The illusion that we were starting something new, something never before attempted, saturated our language; another red flag. I thought to myself, “how long do we call ourselves a church plant? How long do we pretend we are ‘just learners?’ How long do we hide behind Sunday morning and ESL classes and fail to really become a church on the move?” I imagined a good starting point might be doing away with our excuses and facing our failures. Why do we not speak of them as a group? I imagine if we did, we might move a step forward instead of 2 steps back. But the few comments toward this direction in the meeting were met with confusion and dissention.

Yes, we talk about racial reconciliation, but without a solid vision for diversity and the tangible steps toward getting us there. We speak of it as a value, but when the heat turns up, people leave the kitchen. Our unity is only skin deep and at arms length. We have failed to define our identity primarily as “Christ Ones” and too few culturally diverse, authentic relationships have been formed. We do not struggle, hurt or bleed enough to claim this as something we are about.

We talk about neighborhood development in a neighborhood well on its way to being fully gentrified; and wait, did I mention we are those gentry? We talk about “starting something new” but in the last 4 years have made no significant partnerships to those already serving the poor in the neighborhood. We are “all about the poor” but the poor are not even among us. More tragically, we are not even among them… yet we see them congregate in the park everyday and hang out on every street corner of “our” neighborhood.

And most sadly, our lofty values and ideals contain no real mention of God. We got close with the mention of worship but I was disappointed as people emphasized they were speaking more of the style and variety of the music. There was praise of the teaching pastor and the musical skills of the worship pastor, I mean, director, but if we are to be an Acts 2 church we must move beyond celebrity. We seem to not see the LORD, High and lifted up with the train of His robe filling the temple with glory. I am convinced that if we did, we would take sin in our church much more seriously. “Woe is me” would be our heart cry. We would be living out and pursuing; prayer, fasting, accountability, confession, discipleship and the spreading of the gospel. We wouldn’t smell, look or taste like the world around us. We should be identifying ourselves as broken, needy, desperate people above all other descriptors of ourselves. We would have a growing and unquenchable thirst for God. As it is, I begin to fear we have no hunger or desire for God—Not just the things OF God, but GOD Himself. We lack an appetite for God Himself and will therefore never ever accomplish the things OF God without Him. To us the Holy Spirit is a vague Star-Wars-like force not to be mentioned too much for fear of sounding like a fanatical charismatic, but just enough to acknowledge our belief in the trinity. Our efforts are man made, bearing no real fruit. What sad people we are. What sad people we have become. Playing church when the battle for our neighborhood, our city, and our world rages on and people are lost daily to drugs, poverty, the pursuit of the American dream and nominal, mediocre, cultural Christianity.

A wall full of values, ideals and dreams as wonderful as they are, are still just gifts that pale in comparison to the Giver Himself. I can only imagine what would happen if we were to firstly and passionately fall on our faces before the Lord as a church, repentant, needy and desperate to see Him.

But seriously, what do I know? I’m just a guy with an opinion, standing under a November sky, feeling like something is missing.

Guess Who's Back, Back Again, Guess Who's Back, Tell a Friend!

2007-09-22T02:10:00.000-05:00

So it’s been 3yrs since I started this wretched Blog and it’s been steady going for the most part… well this last year has been somewhat hit or miss.
My feeling on “blogs and blogging” has changed through out this time. At times I’ve felt it be nothing more than an unhealthy attempt to express the worst of my narcissistic self and at the best of times it’s been this bizarre little tool to lead someone or myself a step closer to the Father. So I confess my conclusion is I miss blogging for the worst and best reasons. So here I am again.. on the scene… married, slightly chubbier, a lot more honest and probably a lot more happy with the sadness of life.

Ahhh… it’s good to be back!

Buffalo vs Lion vs Crocodile vs Buffalos

2007-09-02T14:01:00.000-05:00

This is pretty much the most incredible video on YouTube. It's been viewed over 16,000,000 times. Captured at the beloved Kruger Park in South Africa. Enjoy.

Here is Love

2007-08-09T10:25:00.000-05:00

Here is love vast as the ocean
Loving kindness as the flood
When the Prince of life, our ransom
Shed for us His precious blood
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten
Throughout Heaven's eternal days

On the Mount of Crucifixion
Fountains opened deep and wide
Through the floodgates of God's mercy
Flowed a vast and gracious tide
Grace and love, like mighty rivers
Poured incessant from above
And Heaven's peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love

Let us all His love accepting
Love Him ever all our days
Let us seek His Kingdom only
And our lives be to His praise
He alone shall be our glory
Nothing in the world we see
He has cleansed and sanctified us
He Himself has set us free

In His truth He does direct me
By His Spirit through His Word
And His grace my need is meeting
As I trust in Him, my Lord
All His fullness He is pouring
In His love and power in me
Without measure
Full and boundless
As I yield myself to Thee

The love song of the 1904 Welsh Revival
William Rees (1802-1883)

Out for the count

2007-02-12T00:55:00.000-06:00

Well I have been away for a looooong time. It's awful but life just does not allow me to blog anymore. Turning 30, getting married in 54 days, apartment hunting, juggling the day to day life of Africa Revolution, support raising, being involved in church & community and trying to love jesus well is proving to be more than I can do in 24hrs. So for now I am going to officially check out for a while. Keep us in your prayers.

For those of you interested in our wedding stuffs, you can check us out at www.allanandannie.com

p.s thanks Arloa for your sermon at church today. Isaiah 58, one of my fav passages, became more alive in my heart as you spoke. Glad you are at the River. Thanks again my RC3 fam for your ridiculous gift and for being pretty much the coolest peeps around!

see y'all later

The 3 greatest things on the web this week

2006-12-06T02:20:00.000-06:00

Line Rider - for unending hours of pleasure. Serious...forget PS3. I love this game. (thanks Bac)

FREE on iTunes - A 35min inside look at Bono and his mission to Africa. (thanks iTunes)

Bloodline by Kristen Ashburn - a stunning short video. AIDS and Family is the story of these men, women and their children. Ashburn’s photographs are heartbreaking. But they also tell us of something more. They remind us of how tenuous our connection is to each other. In doing so, they show that what matters most is the care we give to those in need. (thanks Miano)

rate your day

2006-11-28T15:37:00.000-06:00

Why is so much of what we pursue, choose, want, spend our time doing, filled with the trivial, non-consequential, non-eternal?

“Much that pertains to dress, to accomplishment, to living, to employment, to amusement, to conversation, will appear, when we come to die, to have been like the playthings of children. We shall feel that time has been wasted and strength exhausted by that which was foolish and childish.”
-Jonathan Edwards

Parkour

2006-11-01T00:58:00.000-06:00

My friend Peter in London is really into this crazy urban sport/discipline that absolutely amazes me. Check it out. It’s pretty incredible!

Parkour is a physical discipline inspired by human movement, focusing on uninterrupted, efficient forward motion over, under, around and through obstacles (both man-made and natural) in one's environment. Such movement may come in the form of running, jumping, climbing and other more complex techniques. The goal of parkour is to adapt one's movement to any given obstacle.

the wedding(s)

2006-10-20T18:22:00.000-05:00

Me walking my sister down the aisle
We’re back from the land of fish ‘n chips, and afternoon tea!
My sister’s wedding was gorgeous, and a blast—complete with a red-coated toast-master, a Rolls Royce, Zambian dancing, and my uncles in their kilts. There were almost 40 family members and people from more than 30 countries around the world. I had the privilege of giving the first speech which included a confession of murdering one of my sister’s favorite Barbie dolls. Annie and I danced our booties off till I could dance no more. The whole thing was fantastic. At first it was a little overwhelming for Annie meeting my crazy family but by the end she was just another part of the craziness and is in the circle. They absolutly love her!

My uncles (dad's brothers) in their Scottish kilts.
I used to live in the small costal town of Portsmouth before moving to the States. We spent a few days here with family. One evening, Annie and I went for a walk on top of the old fort wall that runs along the mouth of the harbor. We came to a spot that means a lot to me, where I used to sit and talk to the Lord about where I should go, what I should do with my life.
As we sat and watched the ferries slowly wade their way towards France, we spoke about our lives and our future together. It all made sense and I slipped down on one knee and asked the question. She smiled, and replied with a “yes.”

Our beautiful engagement at sunset.
Yes, we are engaged!!! We kept the secret for a few days, until the end of the wedding. We didn’t want to steal the thunder from my sister but in due time we were celebrating with bubbly and some good ol’ fish and chips.

At a Make Trade Fair fashion show the next week where my little nieces were modeling, we met Greg, the owner and founder of CRED jewelry. Which is so bizarre as I was reading about them in Shane Claiborne’s book and discussing with friends the awful dilemma surrounding rings and jewelry. (More on that later) We visited his shop the next day in Chichester and made plans for Annie’s ring.

So yeah, this is it. She is my Bella. We’re getting married!!!!!!!!!

In London across from Big Ben and Westminster Abbey

Outside CRED and the Chichester Cathedral

At the wedding reception in Hertfordshire

CCDA 2006

2006-10-07T19:50:00.000-05:00

12hrs to Philly in a mini van, and straight into a 5hr workshop! Even if Shane Claiborne is a good public speaker, 5hrs of sitting was just insane... but we made it. The conference itself was good and not so good. The not so good part was the main sessions that kinda flopped with okay speakers with little substance. Tony Campolo was funny and we all needed to laugh but he gave 1 of 3 talks we've all heard before. I attended most of the so called "boring workshops". I went to "Cause Related Marketing", "Steps through a 501(c)(3)" …you get the idea... They were so great! I learned so much.

There were about 25 folks from my church and hanging with them, eating famous Philly cheese steaks "wit" onions "wit whiz" was great. Shane invited us over to the Simple Way which was pretty neat too. I do love Philly. The highlight though was being invited to share in a workshop by Josh Kaufman-Horner. He runs a ministry called "Freedom From Fear" . Promoting true peace on earth: The Freedom from Fear (FfF) initiative nonviolently seeks the abolition of war, tyranny, terrorism, uncaring consumerism, corporate exploitation, and passive pacifism.
The next day Josh invited me to a small lunch meeting with one of my personal hero’s; Ron Sider. Ron is the man! We had some really cool conversation. He’s such a legend. He has written a load of phenomenal books, the most well known being "Rich Christians in An Age of Hunger". This book is on my "most fav shelf". If you haven't read it, go get it right now…no seriously… now.
Fine.

Well I would love to keep chatting but I gotta pack. Annie and I are off to London tomorrow for my sisters wedding! It’s going to be so awesome. I get to walk her down the aisle and give a speech. Kinda nervous (not about the speech), my family is going to love Analisa… I’m not sure she will feel the same way about them. We will see what happens!

church/Church

2006-09-25T03:25:00.000-05:00

“The Church is a whore but she is my mother.” –Martin Luther
I keep coming across this quote in whatever I read and wherever I go. I’m that restless guy running from fate. I don’t want to talk, critique, think, dream or speak about Church anymore…but it’s chasing me. He’s doing it again… that persistent, sleepless conversation to believe anew in His Bride. To be honest,… I don’t want to. I’m weary y’all.

I’m not that complaining, bitter, idealistic, bible student or that burned out youth pastor -been there done that. I’m not even a disgruntled, critical, uninvolved church member. In fact I love my local church, I love my small group and am up for and thrilled by the growing pains of an urban church plant.
I think I might just be tired of the conversations about Church, disillusioned by everyone waiting for the next best thing, tired of the attack and defense on the emerging-postmodern-something-or-other. Maybe it’s all this talking Church and not dealing with my own junk that reeks of hypocrisy and tends to get suffocating.
Breathe in 1-2-3-4 and out.
Maybe I represent those feelings of the Bride sitting in front of the mirror not feeling too pretty. "Oh Jesus, we your Bride are so un-pretty and awfully embarrassing most of the time. Are you sure you want to keep dating?"

In the meanwhile- Annie and I are off to Philly this week for CCDA. What a state to be going in. Say some crazy prayers for us.
Later

The Crazy Ones

2006-09-19T00:39:00.000-05:00

Oh Canada!

2006-08-29T16:49:00.000-05:00

I love Canada. In that same way I love washed out Bruce Willis in 16 Blocks. Everything reflects greater days gone by but they still manage to impress me. In a refreshing way she is not as flashy as the U.S. (Media and opinions aren’t in your face galore.) Life is slower, the paintballing is fierce and the hiking is insanely gorgeous… and them Canadians are proud of it. Eh!

I had the opportunity to speak at a church retreat just outside of Ottawa this last weekend. With 6 messages in hand I was ready to bring the fire! After the second talk I lost my voice and submitted to the use of a mic. God really challenged me personally as I prepared and shared my small thoughts on His big vision for His Kingdom. I’ve fallen in love afresh with the story of the Good Samaritan. My heart shudders as I hear Christ’s voice say, “Go and do likewise.” As I contemplated this story I was reminded again that our call to Christ goes beyond us… to individuals, yet not only to individuals but to broken systems.

“We are called to play the Good Samaritan on life’s roadside… but one day we must come to see that the whole Jericho road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that a system that produces beggars needs to be repaved. We are called to be the Good Samaritan, but after you lift so many people out of the ditch you start to ask, maybe the whole road to Jericho needs to be repaved.”
-Dr. Martin Luther King (A Time to Break the Silence, 1967)

“We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, but we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself.”
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Just a few thoughts worth sharing while I chill out in Canada.

Before and after the retreat I’ve been staying with Gzegorz and Christie Kopczyk. They are by far one of my favorite couples that I respect so very much. Gzegorz was my prayer partner during my time at Grad School. I’ve seen them walk a difficult road so bravely through a troubled pregnancy with many complications to raising little Troy.
Troy is just a curious little explorer of a kid whom I just think God is going to use in an amazing way.
Thanks for having me stay in your howse.

Now owt to Tim Horton’s… mmmhhh…

wake up

2006-08-06T03:58:00.000-05:00

I attended a “Wake up to Poverty” event by Nobel Peace Prize nominee and 2007 Kenyan presidential candidate Wahu Kaara. (ironically hosted in a mansion in Wheaton...mmmm) Anyway, Psalters the convictingly radical Christians lead in worship and dance. It was so crazy. Little did I know I would see the face of jesus in these hippie livin' cannibal-like lookin' jesus freaks.

But I’m not writing to tell of this evening, but to tell of a form of radical, seemingly bizarre Christianity that my soul is waking up to through things like this experience. It’s something God has thrown me into over the last few months. I’ve been soaking up Shane Claiborne’s book “The Irresistible Revolution” as well as being with the kids in my neighborhood at the park, pool and fire hydrant, conversations with Annie, and in doing AR with my pastor friends in South Africa. I feel like the gospel has always been calling us to this costly, uncomfortable greater lifestyle than the package I was handed and was told was okay when I unknowingly joined the Walmart Church of the 20th century. (the Church is always at least 30yrs behind… it’s true, just read that magazine; Christianity Yesterday.)

Anyway as my ears unblock I realize that we are called to live such upside down lives… crazy compelling lives that don’t make sense to the patterns and people of this world. Upstream lives that are seen as a revolution against poverty and greed that leads to a greater Kingdom. The thing is; most of us claim we already know this… but c’mon, are you kidding me? We sure aren’t living it. We’ve turned poverty awareness into a fad for an evening and global crisis into a bracelet. And as we “try to figure it out and wait for our calling” we bounce from one cool justice agenda to another. Human Trafficking to Children of War, at risk youth to martyrs in Malaysia, prostitutes in India to orphans in Africa…
Gag, gag.
Yes, I am pointing the finger at myself first… but we end up being partially informed (enough to provide stimulating conversation) but tragically inactive. We take the issues that break God’s heart and turn them into cheap conversation starters or nice reminders that we weren’t called to the mission field. Our tragedy is in the half hearted living and the lack of being and doing. Too much talking perhaps? Argh, so tragic, so uninspiring.
Still thinking…

But there are people like my friends in my community whom show me there are still those few radicals wanting to follow this upside down Way of the cross. They ride the El train late at night with homeless folks and move onto dodgy streets where they befriend gang bangers. They tech English to illegal immigrants and lovingly convert rich folks. They make me believe that another world is possible. They’re tired of the talk and are diving in on the action. They stumble along but they’re beginning to know what it means to give generously and love recklessly. (I love you my River City family.) This is inspiring.
Still thinking…

A sweet quote from Shane, (well worth the read...really.)
“We wrestle to free ourselves from macrocharity and distant acts of charity that serve to legitimize apathetic lifestyles of good intentions but rob us of the gift of community. We preach we prophesy, and dream together about how to awaken the church from her violent slumber. Sometimes we speak to change the world; other times we speak to keep the world from changing us. We are about ending poverty, not simply managing it. We give people fish. We teach them to fish. We tear down the walls that have been built around the fish pond. And we figure out who polluted it.

We fight terrorism- the terrorism within each of us, the terrorism of corporate greed, of American consumerism, of war. We are not pacifist hippies but passionate lovers who abhor passivity and violence. We spend our lives actively resisting everything that destroys life, whether that be terrorism or the war on terrorism. We try to make the world safe, knowing that the world will never be safe as long as millions live in poverty so the few can live as they wish. We believe in another way of life- the kingdom of God- which stands in opposition to the principalities, powers, and rulers of this dark world.”

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” James 1:22

to be the poor

2006-07-24T03:14:00.000-05:00

I have never sincerely thought of myself as the poor. And I don’t mean college student poor. I mean pooooor. I always thought it was “them” apart from me. Not in an, “I’m better than you” way, but more as an honest socio economic distinction. Kinda the same way as I viewed the rich. It was “them” apart from me.
But recently I have been feeling my own poverty. Not spiritually or emotionally but straight up penny for penny, financially and materially, practically rocking my personal economic world. It’s been humbling and painfully raw, in a way I never imagined… I taste the bitter tang of desperation, the nagging relentless wishing for something to give and the endless temptation to take things into my own hands. Yes I am broke. Yes I am the poor.

Yet I know it is not the bottom. I know I have stuff I could sell, skills I could use or people who would lovingly take me in. But today I realize I am the poor. With not a dollar at my disposal, God has brought me to a place where I have no other choice than to wait for Him to act. I stand in this desert, parched, with not a cloud in sight.
I am here, I believe, because my heart must know this place. I am here because I must become one of those I desire to serve. In reality I can never fully be like them but together with them I can say that I know what it means to cry out to the Lord for daily provision. I know what it means to be disappointed at how I thought God would and should provide. Today I have reflected that it is easy to declare trust and faith in God’s provision when one has a pay check every two weeks. It is quite another fearful thing when that declaration is tested. I used to sing “Jehovah Jirah My Provider” giving little pause to the words. Now they stick to my tongue as I whisper my worship. I am learning He is greater, He is Able and His concern is where my heart resides. Because where our treasure is, is where our hearts will be also.

I am saddened at the pride my head and heart harbor around money. I am disappointed that something in me craves to use money as a measure of success and economic resources at my disposal as the litmus for ones value. Mmmhhh..
As the bullets whiz by in these trenches I fearfully repeat my instructions to myself,… "Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.”
The battle rages on. I am the poor.

Overwhelmed & exhausted...but I'm back

2006-07-18T02:42:00.000-05:00

“I discovered later, and am still discovering right up to this moment that it is only by living completely in this world that one learns to have faith. By this worldliness I mean living unreservedly in life’s duties, problems, successes and failures. In so doing we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God, taking seriously not only our own sufferings but those of God in the world, that I think is faith.”
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer (21 July 1944)

For May, I'm away.

2006-05-08T15:32:00.000-05:00

Because I am in South Africa for the month of May I am only going to post on my Africa Revolution Blog... so check it out. www.africarevolution.blogspot.com

surrender

2006-04-20T00:01:00.000-05:00

To relinquish possession or control to another / to give up in favor of another. / to give up or give back (something that has been granted) /to give up or abandon / to give over or resign (oneself) to something.

“God speaks the loudest to the soul whom is most surrendered to Him.”

-Andy Stanley; on Christians who choose to co-operate with God rather than manipulate Him.

I hate numbers

2006-04-12T03:24:00.000-05:00

So I finally got my taxes done! Time: 3:00am. Thank you, thank you… done all by myself! This is a great achievement for me seriously, even though it took me several determined attempts. My poor math kept calculating that the Federal Government owed me just over a million dollars and Illinois State pretty much owed me what they spent on Millennium Park. I was preparing to strike a deal with them, “close down all the toll booths around Chicago, make it mandatory $burger night every night of the week throughout the city, ban taxis and give everyone bicycles.” After this sort of bargaining I would call it even.

My friend Dave’s 6 year old daughter Kiran walked up to me while I was working on my taxes (during attempt 4, I do believe) and asked me if I needed help (stalling for bed time). She asked me what taxes were for and I attempted to explain, schools, filling in potholes, fancy dinners at City Hall, lining pockets …she rolled her eyes and I felt the same way. She did help me with the answer to 5+7. Thanks Kiran.

I can’t stand numbers and figures. In 4th grade I was handed my final Math exam paper with lots of red X marks on it. I grinned and smiled and my teacher sighed a deep, deep sigh when I exclaimed; “33%!!!... 33 is my favorite number!”

The perils of indifference

2006-03-30T16:00:00.000-06:00

I am haunted by this picture of an AIDS patient and the death in her eyes. This series of pictures was put out by Time Magazine a few years ago. This image came to mind when I was reading a speech given by Elie Wiesel at the Seventh White House Millennium Evening, Washington, 12 April 1999. As I fight against my own indifference and as I groan at our collective embrace of apathy I also plead with God to awaken us to the extreme suffering in our world, that each of us would find our place in bringing His redemption to the least of these…. And not just temporarily where we feel we have done our bit or because our curiosity seeks to be satisfied but authentically, consistently, sincerely… *deep sigh*.

Here is an excerpt from his profound speech.

“What is indifference? Etymologically, the word means ‘no difference’. A strange and unnatural state in which the lines blur between light and darkness, dusk and dawn, crime and punishment, cruelty and compassion, good and evil. What are its courses and inescapable consequences? Is it a philosophy? Is a philosophy of indifference conceivable? Can one possibly view indifference as a virtue? Is it necessary at times to practice it simply to keep one’s sanity, live normally, enjoy a fine meal and a glass of wine, as the world around us experiences harrowing upheavals?

Of course, indifference can be tempting- more than that, seductive, it is so much easier to look away from victims. It is so much easier to avoid such rude interruptions to our work, our dreams, and our hopes. It is, after all, awkward, troublesome, to be involved in another person’s pain and despair. Yet, for the person who is indifferent, his or her neighbors are of no consequence. And, therefore, their lives are meaningless. Their hidden or even visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the other to an abstraction.
Indifference is always the friend of the enemy. ”

Informed by theology

2006-03-21T16:44:00.001-06:00

"If your opponent has a conscience, then follow Gandhi and nonviolence. But if your enemy has no conscience like Hitler, then follow Bonhoeffer." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Annie, my beautiful bella got me the Bonhoeffer documentary as one of my birthday gifts. Bonhoeffer is the hizzie fo shizzie. There is hardly anyone I respect and admire more, than Dietrich Bonhoeffer. A theologian, underground resistance revolutionary and martyr. I have almost all his books. Not only do I find his writings profound and powerful, they’re matched with a life and death worthy of the calling he received. In fact God used these words from, my favorite book, “The Cost of Discipleship” to call me into a life of serious followership;
“When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Glen Kehrein came and spoke at church last Thursday night. He schooled us with a very profound history on Race in America and Chicago. He closed with a powerful fatherly challenge of “where do we go from here?” He challenged us to not do what the Church has historically done with this issue… supported the “status quo”. He challenged us to be the remnant that pursues God’s way. I walked away feeling that the “how” part requires that my opinions, political ideas and personal journey must continually die and be reshaped and led by organic, authentic, biblical theology first.

Bonhoeffer was adamant that, when society abandons the way of God... and even when the church and it’s leaders align themselves with government and popular opinion, the Christian is always to pursue the Way of God first. The Law of God always supersedes the law of the land. This is the way the Church retains her prophetic voice against the clamor of covert evil. The Church, he said, has the irrevocable duty to ever stand on the side of victims of injustice. How sad that so many of our churches remain silent for far too many "accepted" social injustices. We are far too busy being introspective and purpose driven when our voice should be heard loud and clear on issues of race, immigration, housing, AIDS, poverty etc.

We need more Bonhoeffers and Kehreins, and Christs! Oh, wait… do I mean Christians! Mhmmm…

...so the story continues

2006-03-10T09:47:00.000-06:00

"There is enough for everyone’s need but not enough for everyone’s greed.” - Gandhi

Turns out the bank robber was a clown and the money was only $6,000 and the gun was a toy. Mmm…. I’m glad they caught him. I hate clowns.

Well the good news is I got to sell the footage I took of the robber being arrested to CBS and to WGN Chicago’s WB. Crazy, CBS offered me $150. A few hours later WGN showed up at my front door with a big camera and put the spot light on me for an interview. They also gave me $150 for the footage. Mmmm… strange how I had to cancel my flight to Canada this morning where I was to speak at a winter retreat this weekend. I was so down as I was really, really looking forward to it but my Visa was supposed to arrive on time and did not. I was even more bummed when I had to pay $100 to cancel my flight and then all this happened.

This evening while the interview played on channel 9 and the story was retold a couple of times I sat with my friend Charlie. We spoke about it and laughed as the funny text messages and phone calls came in. Charlie and I get together to eat Chinese and pray and as we prayed tonight something about the reality of the situation saddened us. The desperation of a man to rob a bank stuck with me. Now, I’ve been poor and desperate (believe me, I’ve earned a youth pastors salary and I know) But something about the price he was going to have to pay for this federal offense saddened me. What a price he was going to pay, he forfeit his freedom for just $6000. Yet that is the penalty for his crime, for his sin.

Well it was a bizarre day and I’m still trying to figure it out. I am sure it will all make a great sermon illustration or something someday.

Here are some links to the news pieces done on the story and some of the footage
- CBS2 Chicago
- WGN Chicago’s WB- Look for "Bozo Bandit Caught" Video. (I was interviewed in this one.)

The Runaway Bank Robber

2006-03-09T13:25:00.000-06:00

You see some crazy stuff in Chicago but I never thought I would get to see the arrest of a runaway bank robber.

So I’m sitting working on my computer this morning and I hear these guys swearing obscenities at the top of their voices… “There he is the mutha*#%$, get him, come here you mutha*#%$...” And I walk over to my window and there in front of me is this unbelievable scene; there is this skinny little white guy with a stocking on his head running through the parking lot outside my window, trying desperately to jump on to a bicycle while wads of sealed cash drops out of his pockets. The two guys running after him, a college kid and a tall African American man (who I later found out was an off duty cop) dive on him and tackle him to the ground. In the process this machine gun (bigger than the guy) drops out of his coat and goes flying. I kid you not. A machine-gun the size of a man’s leg. Not a pistol or a sawed off shotgun, no, a fully automatic machine gun. And the police car sirens are getting louder from all directions. Cop cars show up from every direction. There are about 20 police officers all over this guy. He’s yelling, “you got the wrong guy. Stop I have asthma.” And the cops are using cuss words I have never heard before. They got their guy.

Turns out the guy planned on hiding in our trashcans out back till everything cleared up. He left his bike parked in our house parking as a get away vehicle. (Seriously?!) The two guys who tackled him were both in the bank (a block away) while it was being robbed. Now I know my money is safe at Chase... thanks to the loyal customers. The bank says they reckon he had 150,000 on him! It was incredible. I caught a bit of the arrest on my camera and will try and put it online later. I'm first going to see if he may have dropped some cash in the trash for me.

Welcome to the Old Town hood.
And people think Africa is dangerous!

Just some thoughts about No-talent-ass-clowns

2006-03-04T12:22:00.000-06:00

After a mentally straining day at a gentrification seminar, I found myself at the Abbey Pub with the crew, decompressing while supporting our stunningly talented friend Naomi as she sung and strummed at this open mic night. If she were a martini she would be a smooth blend of Eva Cassidy and Patty Griffin with a dash of Lauryn Hill just to spice things up. Shaken not stirred of course.

Here is what bothered me:
We had to endure some horrific musicians who obviously grew up with parents who clearly lied to them about their "talents" throughout their growing up years. I mean really! I sat there, and in my far too vivid imagination I teleported myself into their childhood years. I saw myself sitting year after year as a fly on the wall in their homes, hearing mom and dad tell their little Janis Joplin wannabe, “honey you can become anything you want to be if you just put your mind to it.”

And there they were on stage in this good ol' Irish pub still pursuing the lie, striving to become what they were told they could be if they just put their mind to it. Now I don’t mean to sound like a dream killer or a glass-half-empty guy. If you think I’m awful and you don’t believe me just watch 10 minutes of American Idol as those crushed souls run out into the arms of their parents after they encounter the truth of their lack of talent. I think we all secretly agree with Simon because he is the honest boy shouting, “the king has got no clothes on.” And they sheepishly leave with their tail between their legs. Every one of them is met at the exit by their family who immediately continues to encourage their quest with lines like, “those people, they just don’t know real talent when they see it”, seriously parent’s, stop lying to your kids. You’re not helping them; you’re harming them...and us.

Okay, I know, I’m no Adam Duritz. That’s why I keep my Counting Crows renditions to the shower and car. I know where the talent ends and the pain begins. All I’m saying is, we need to be honest about our giftedness or lack thereof. I know I will never be the President or an astronought (see I can’t even spell it). And I think knowing this is great. It will help me get to where I’m supposed to be faster and smoother. It is this reasoning that makes me absolutely hate the movie Rudy. Seriously, that movie makes me want to cry with anguish. Someone please sit this kid down and tell him that he sucks.

I once took a friend golfing for his first time ever and I liked what he said before he was about to hit his first ball, “This will either be a hidden talent I didn’t know I posses or just another thing I suck at.” It turned out to be the latter… but I admire his clarity and honesty. I understand there is a period where we explore something and enjoy it. But after a while there must come a time where we realize we are torturing those around us and ourselves when we could be functioning in our real giftedness.

I may be a heretic here but I think this is a principle the AP was getting at when he said, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you… we have different gifts, according to the grace given us.” Rom12

With that said, I sit back, sip on my beer and let Naomi sing and play. I celebrate her gifts and know God is smiling as she uses her talent well and wisely.

*Disclaimer- If I offended anyone’s sensibilities by knocking on Rudy I kinda apologize but c’mon think about it.

Bon Voyage from Valois

2006-02-22T16:50:00.000-06:00

The fortnightly breakfast at Valois on the Southside has been pretty standard for Greg, Dave and I. We all lived on the same floor and went to Moody together. Since we graduated, this has been our way to stay in each other’s lives despite our different circles of friends. Dave moved into the hood where he has become the most eligible bachelor for a plethora of single moms. (and they’re not shy to let him know that.) In a crowd of 4000 people Greg fell in love with the girl on stage and married her 67 days later. (Creating one of Moody’s greatest love stories of hope to those feeling they are failing in their attempt to acquire their MRS degree.) Life sure has changed for all of us but today my heart is both sad and happy. Tomorrow Greg and Nicol roll out of Chicago in their U-haul to live in Georgia. In a couple months time they will make me a proud uncle by having a little baby. (named Allan…not really, but let’s face it, it’s a great name.)

The drawing board is clear and God has an unrevealed plan for Greg’s next steps. (I personally think they should start up a commune but that’s just my input.) A lot of new thrilling challenges await them… but I can only identify with them in the fact that uncertainty will
continually attempt to hijack their ship. Steps of obedience to God seldom come with guarantees of “feeling safe” or being “convinced this is the way to go”. Sometimes it feels like God has left us high and dry. Doubt and fear sweep in like vultures after we have taken those initial steps of faith… and God can seem suddenly silent. But like Andy Stanly said, “don’t confuse the silence of God for the absence of God.” His promise to never leave us remains true no matter what the circumstances look like or how we feel.

Just after I drove past Greg and Nicol's house, this morning, with these thoughts on my mind, I found myself sitting in a waiting room reading this piece from my book, “Spiritual leadership in not the ability to define everything the future holds. It is the willingness to move forward when all you know is God. The apostolic leader finds his direction from the compass of the purpose of God, is fueled by the passions of God, and, while he’s moving to do what he knows, God clarifies and directs… More times than we care to admit, we simply don’t know what the next step is. But if our hearts are bound to the heart of God, we are never lost.” –E.McManus

Cheers to y’all.

Birthday Valentine

2006-02-13T17:59:00.001-06:00

It’s my birthday today. Yes, yes, I am a love child. A pre-valentines gift if you will. 29, mhmm… Scary? Not really, I feel pretty comfortable in these adulthood shackles. So don’t worry I’m not going to post any deep dramatic life reflection posts about life before the big three zero. Getting older doesn’t really mean much to me anymore for some reason. Quiet frankly some days I swear I still feel 6 (thanks to my daily devotional- Calvin and Hobbes), other days I feel 17 and some days even 40. I’m unfamiliar with the feeling of 29, so here’s to the unknown year of 29, cheers!

I do want to share a little of our “Off the Hook Fabio Valentines Party”. It was so fun to have worlds collide and have so many of my favorite people in the world under our roof. We celebrated valentines in community. ( side note- If there is one awesome lesson I’ve learned being single, it’s that much of what our hearts long for in a dating relationship can be found in God’s community and quiet honestly can only be found in community.) I love my community, my family. Happy Valentines!

p.s I'd like to add that Annie’s family is really, really awesome, especially Annie’s Mama. *ha ha ha ha*

Welcome to the Revolution

2006-02-10T01:44:00.000-06:00

"Guess who's back, back again, guess who's back, tell a friend.....guess who's back (x5) " - S.Shady
(Don't you just love a good quote)
Well, as many of you know, I quit my job on the last day of 2005! This was a big change that may have seemed sudden to some, but was actually a long time coming— it just took a little extra time and faith to get out of the boat. A new vision for Africa has been stirring in my heart, and it was clear that the ministry I was working with was stretched to its limits in South East Asia. Africa was not becoming enough of a priority. In meetings I felt like I had became the annoying “Africa guy,” pushing my own agenda. I was also getting stuck in a graphics and web design rut, keeping me from using the other gifts that God had stirred up in me during my time at Moody Grad School.

So what have I been doing this last month? Ahhh…like a mad revolutionary artist, I have been plotting, creating, and scheming in secret. This new vision for ministry in Africa has begun to take shape. Can you see me now, sipping on mug after mug of hot Red Bush tea, a space heater at my feet as I labor into the early hours of the morning behind a computer screen feeling a lot like Jerry McGuire? Let me not fool you, this idealistic dreaming has not been easy; it’s been toilsome and exhausting, but it has also been marked by the guidance and phenomenal peace of God. I have been envisioning, articulating, designing, and praying. This really sums up my last month. Hence the no blogging.

If you are anything like me, there are times in your life where you stop and pause, assessing your gifts, talents, and your journey so far. You turn to God and ask Him to make some sense of it all. Where is it all going? Am I really living out your purpose? Of late, I have been bombarding Him with questions like these.

The Journey to Come
I believe the passion and dream that He has put in my heart for this next chapter of my life is simply to be a “bridge,” a bridge to build more authentic relationships between the Church in Africa and the Church in the US, a bridge that facilitates tangible channels of action for individuals wanting to do something for the people of Africa. This would happen through:
1. Missions
2. Internships and
3. Orphan & Widow care.
This vision is large and overwhelming, but it seems to have the fingerprints of God all over it. This ministry will function under the leadership of my mentor’s ministry, African Leadership Development, (which has been around for more than 10yrs). We are calling this new ministry Africa Revolution.

It would be foolish of me to attempt to explain all of Africa Revolution in this blog, so there is a website that I’ve put together to help cradle this vision in a way that, I hope, makes it understandable to you. It is fluid and changing, but taking shape. Many of you have already helped with it and I hope that more of you will join in along the way.

Okay, too many words already. Please, check out the website and give me some feedback…and leave a comment, as I would love to hear from you.

Click here to visit AfricaRevolution.Org "or click on the silver button top right.
(and I promise it's not a Crush Calculator.)

7 Days From Christmas to New Years!

2006-01-03T02:04:00.000-06:00

Who would have thought so much could happen in a week?!?!? The Sting song “7 Days” comes to mind...*click, click* and I’m now listening to it. But my seven days have little to do with this song. Mmmm….

I quit my job at Warm Blankets Orphan Care. Crazy I know… but I got still enough to realize that my time to move on had arrived. Sure it’s scary to step out into the thousands of unknowns but my Guide is reliable and faithful and has proven Himself time and time again… so I am jubilantly at peace. I will speak more about what I will be doing next time I post.
So pray for me in this huge change.

...also
My Mom has been convincing me to become an adult and do adult stuff… like buy a house. So over this last week with her amazing business savvy skills, she and I are buying a house in the beautiful town of Fish Hoek in Cape Town.
I know it sounds crazy but it’s pretty awesome. I love Cape Town!

Click Here Here is a pic of me overlooking the Fish Hoek harbor.

...also
My sister got engaged on Christmas day! Wow. My sister whom is just a year older than me is getting married this year in London! She is so excited. She asked me to walk her down the aisle and give her away. What an honor... but I honestly think my Mama should do it. She deserves it. My Mom is a rock star!

And finally…
A few months ago I wrote a post called“Romance is Dead”. The night I was going off on that rant, from across the room I noticed this amazing, beautiful young woman leaning against the wall listening to someone so well (fyi, very attractive)… but it was too late, I was a committed single. I kept running into her at Church and CCDA and she was intriguing and mysterious and she skillfully and silently challenged my romance is dead theory and has totally disassembled it. Her name is Analisa, she checked the YES box and she is now my girlfriend. Annie, you’re incredible!

Kinda a lot for seven days, huh? Kinda makes me think 2006 is going to be a roller coaster of a year!

Merry Jesusmas!

2005-12-27T01:25:00.000-06:00

Who would have thought a ridiculous little link could cause so much drama? Seriously, it’s been phenomenal how many people have responded to the Crush Calculator. With over 40+ catches I am pleased and ready to move on. Some of you still want an apology and I really would say a big sorry… but I’m just not that sorry. C’mon, it’s just a little crush. Quite honestly I am flattered to have made the crush list of so many; Laurel, Jenn, Beth, Mary, Erin, Jessica, Michelle, Sara, Megan, Bac (that was a surprise) and even Annie. I am flattered. I feel the love people.

I have never gone this long without posting. It has partially been due to the busyness of the Christmas season and what that means for a not-for-profit, and partial due to the disaster of upgrading to OS Tiger. (it caused a few headaches and brain aneurisms.)

“I love Christmas! It’s my favorite.” (Insert Elf-like-Will Farrell voice over.) This year I have fallen in love afresh with the Christmas story. I dragged my small group through the Christmas story from a new perspective. As told by Real Live Preacher. (whose blog is always a refreshing dose of beauty. I love this dude…in that purely bro like love).

Despite the joy of a house full of people on Christmas day, the madness produced by Catch Phrase and good wine, the craziness of an overflowing dishwasher, all the fire trucks in the city coming to our apartment and a PS2 given to us as a Christmas gift, I have still really, really missed my family this Christmas. I spent hours talking on the phone into the early hours of the morning. Both family in the UK and family in Zambia and South Africa gathered to be together..... all but allan. It’s tough… I haven’t seen any family in more than a year and a half and it’s been 2yrs since I saw my mom and more than 4yrs since I saw my Papas (grandfathers). I tell you folks, if you have a chance to see your family often, love them well coz as messed up as they are… I promise you, you’d still rather BE WITH excited nieces as they SHOW you their Christmas gifts over hearing them rattle off a list on a bad phone connection. Family is awesome. Family is treasure. Cherish them! Love them... and tell them you do.

Just a Crush or Real Love?

2005-12-12T01:05:00.000-06:00

This is surprisingly accurate! I was pleasantly surprised! Check it out.
Click here: "The Crush Calculator"

Also...Iron and Wine, with Calixico, live is soooo incredibly awesome! Yes, I was bewitched body and soul!

The Kingdom of Heaven is like…

2005-12-09T14:53:00.001-06:00

I have been thinking and reading so much about the Kingdom of Heaven. No…not the movie, the actually Kingdom of God that Jesus spoke of more than any other single topic. It is not a fluffy dream of us living up in the sky, strumming away on our celestial harps. I am more and more convinced that it is now, it is here, it is already but not yet. I see its effect, or more so lack of effect, everyday in the lives and even in the eyes of us seeing blind followers.

In my own heart I feel the rare puzzle pieces of this grand vision of the Kingdom slowly but supernaturally falling into place. I also see the conflict the call to the Kingdom is causing when it rubs up close with our sophisticated lives. Life as we know it in the land of “me and mine” does not gel well with the life of the Kingdom. Over and over again I see this conflict wreak quiet havoc in the lives and lifestyles of friends of mine as they wrestle with God over the big questions of their lives. Not being able to put a finger on it we call it "being in the trenches of the Christian life" and walk on. The way of this Kingdom is a tough message that is counter culture and definitely counters Christian pop culture. It is so misunderstood and confrontational that no one can speak of it without sounding like a hypocrite. I share it as a hypocrite.

The message of the kingdom is perhaps the hardest pill to swallow when we begin to comprehend what it demands of our lives. The swoops and turns of a high-speed rollercoaster can be compared to understanding and then living this Way. It is dramatically beautiful and thrilling if we choose not to fight it. It is confusion and misery for the child of God who stomps and pouts against it.

The Kingdom of God today calls us to radical whole life discipleship. It speaks of total death to self and complete surrender. (…how I wish I could be free of true but sold-out Christian verbiage.) Death to dreams, desires, wants and wishes.

Marketing influence and global consumer culture owns the people of God. It has swallowed, consumed and devoured us. We half-heartedly follow. At best, with poor motivation or a temporary fit of “getting back on track” we attempt to serve Him. Now and again we have an “exceptional worship experience.” But soon go back to the well-worn rut we were just in.
The Kingdom requires no more compartmentalized lifestyles. 5 minutes in the morning with Jesus and an hour and half on Sunday is simply unacceptable. How did “the Game” on Sunday become a consideration over glorifying the God of eternity with His people? This neo liberal “good life” dream leaves us with less time for God, less time for prayer, less time for scripture, less time for compassion and so the seed of the kingdom dies in our hearts. Secretly our minds dwell on ways of getting ahead in the suburbs, getting ahead in our careers, getting all the cool stuff. The way of the Kingdom is a call to a much more radical whole life faith instead of doing the suburban dream with a vengeance and working in a little church around the edges. It’s more about making a difference than a dollar. It is simply not possible to sustain a Gospel lifestyle pursuing these things. Life decision #1 is not where you work, nor where you live, not even whom to marry. No, life decision #1 is, “How does God want to use my life to make a difference for the Kingdom” and in light of that we should make all of these other decisions.
The hope of the church is to rediscover in scripture what we are on the planet for. And it definitely isn’t about getting a piece of the pie. If we cannot supply a more compelling dream of this Kingdom than we are lost. We need to go back to the Bible and rediscover the Kingdom of God. Not just as theology but as an alternative cultural dream to the American dream. The two cannot be married. Why are we trying to mix oil and water and expecting fire and passion? We need to find out what the good life really is, this life “more abundantly”.

God, please give us a revelation of “Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.”

How Rich Are You?

2005-12-02T17:19:00.001-06:00

It's pay day today. Always a lovely day for a poor little rich boy like me... but I like thinking globally, so how rich am I ? Well I found out;
I am in the top 4.62% richest people in the world!
There are 5,722,608,695 people poorer than me!

Click Here to find out how rich you are.

Pride and Prejudice

2005-11-24T02:21:00.000-06:00

Last night, after my small group dragged me out to serve a Thanks Giving diner at an inner city ministry, I finally got back home ready to give therapy to my pruny hands (from directing people to scrub pots and pans. directing is one of my 26 spiritual gifts). I was ready to sooth my paws with a cold one. But my one roommate and his girlfriends (intentional plural) then convinced me to head out to see a movie… Pride and Prejudice.

This year I coincidently and strangely had the opportunity of speaking with 2 of my past high school girlfriends. I haven’t spoken to, or seen either one in 10yrs. Hannah is from Denmark, and is now married and living in Malawi. She has had 3 kids of her own and has officially adopted 25 orphans into her family. (Unreal story!) Danielle now lives in London after getting engaged to her fiancé in Paris. She is an excited homeowner (I hear this is important) and wife to be.

I have a history with Pride and Prejudice. You see I studied this classical masterpiece, written by the 20yr old Jane Austin, in high school English Literature class and feel in love with the characters, well with one in particular. Yes, I’ll admit it, I feel in love with Elizabeth Bennet. Hannah nor Danielle stood a chance against Lizzy. Lizzy was perfect in her imperfect family, she was deeply beautiful, vivacious, strong, self-confident (without being self consumed- this is rare and often confused), witty, loving and even forgiving. Everything a young high school boy dreams of…perhaps not, but I did.

The thing is, after I watched P&P last night, I realized I am still drawn to this elusive Ms. Bennet. Has Elizabeth Bennet set the high standard of my expectations? Oh crap! How did I allow a fictional 18th century English rose define my desires? Many wonderful Danielles and Hannahs have come and gone and I still stumble toward the mirage of Elizabeth. Is that wrong to have such preferences/likes? Is this reflecting my pride or my prejudice or both or neither?

Well, I do realize that I am no Mr. Darcy. I am not in possession of a good fortune nor am I in want of a wife. So I will let this one simmer.

“We are the ones we have been waiting for.” – Jim Wallis

2005-11-21T01:47:00.001-06:00

I’ve been at the annual CCDA (Christian Community Development Association) Conference in Indianapolis having my mind and soul beaten back into shape by the convicting words from the likes of John Perkins, Wayne Gordon, Jim Wallis, Shane Claiborne, Michael Emerson, Barbara Skinner, Bob Lupton, Ray Bakke, Curtis De Young, George Yancy, the Apostle Paul, the prophet Amos and others.
I love CCDA. I love that 20 plus folks from my church went. I love that both my old roommates and some of my closest friends were all there. Even my old Urban Prof, Doc Fuder, whom originally got me going to this a few years back was there. I love that I met a zillion beautiful passionate people who are seriously taking up their cross and following…and not just talking about it. I love that every year I go, God gives me pieces to this puzzle picture of His Kingdom. He takes out those old pieces of comfort and security etc that others and I have tried to force in, that won’t fit coz they are not from Him. I love that it is at CCDA that you can pick up these rare puzzle pieces regarding justice, compassion, and God’s heart for the poor. It’s deeply convicting to hear an unashamed, prophetic rebuke for us His Bride to act like His bride - a sweeter, truer gospel of times gone by, missing in far too many of our anemic, lazy churches.

I know that me trying to make these precious truths make sense right now would be a disaster as I have just harvested them and have only now begun processing them. But I am tempted to give you a taste. (Pastor Daniel preached a great message on all this, this morning at church and I shared some stuff for a few minutes too. if you want the cd, holler.) Here are a few lines to chew on.

“The sin is systemic and you can’t just repent of it on a personal level. You must change the law to see justice.”- R.Bakke

“Character and commitment are produced in the furnace of suffering.” –an old really smart guy.

“If Saddam had repented the American Church would not have been able to handle it.”- R.Bakke

“Poverty is today’s new slavery. And the poor are not just trapped in it they are trapped in the debate about it.”- Jim Wallis.

Okay one last story.
I was sitting in the lobby of the Marriott in downtown Indy where the conf was being held. I was sitting there processing everything I had heard earlier that evening from Jim Wallis. (one amazing heart breaking challenge that lead to everyone going down on their knees before God.) It was just after midnight and I was waiting for my crew in a quiet almost empty lobby when whom should walk in but Jim Wallis. He looked at me and walked over. I stood up and he shook my hand and started a really great conversation with me. I hate what a weirdo I can become when meeting people I fully respect. But he was so engaging and asked me loads of questions. He LOVES South Africa and was even there at Nelson Mandela’s inauguration!
I’m still not sure why he stopped to talk to me but it was neat to meet someone I think is a modern day prophet. I told him that too and he just chuckled.

CCDA 2006 in Philly. Be there!

I think God is giving me new shoes

2005-11-15T02:10:00.002-06:00

My friends are incredible visionaries. Last night we pounded out some sort of transformational vision… a step in “letting them be known”. (see article in last post.)

So, if the world were a playground, Africa would be the poor kid who fell off the monkey bars and broke both her legs. Oouch! I know, a painful illustration. Unfortunately the rest of the kids keep on playing while she deliriously whimpers for help. The tragedy is not that the poor child has broken her legs or that no one notices…. No, the greater tragedy is that hardly anyone cares ENOUGH to DO something about it!

I believe God is calling the Western Church to do something. But I am convinced that this desperately needed help must come in the vessel of relationships. God does not just want money ministering to people He wants people ministering to people. God did not send a check, He sent His Son. In this context it would require the Church in the West to be in deep relationship with the Church in Africa. Going, being, knowing.

The synergy created by relationship fuels us to care enough to do something and also helps us empathize and understand first hand the complex problems that plague the people. When we enter into relationship, suffering now owns a face and action soon follows. Images of poverty seldom carry a person beyond temporal sympathy but a relationship with poverty will demand that we act. I personally learned this in Africa when I prayed with Eric, a skeleton of a man my age, wasting away in his bed, dying of AIDS. No statistics, stories or figures broke my heart like looking into the eyes and touching the skin and bones of Eric.
…hmmm.

I’m not sure how this will look in the end. There is so much more to the “how” part of it all, and I am already doing a disservice by trying to squeeze this into a blog entry. So stick around and wait for the website.(www.africarevolution.org)
I’m not even sure if I’m the right person for this beautiful task. But I repeatedly hear God asking me to follow Him into this. Hastily... but nervously I reply, “yes Lord I'm behind You”.
I am excited, terrified and overwhelmed at the possibilities and potential of walking in these new shoes, but I think I’m ready for a tighter contract.

"If this isn't an emergency, what is? In the scriptures we are not advised to love our neighbor, we are commanded. The Church needs to lead the way here, not drag its heels...
But I tell you, God is not looking for alms; God is looking for action. He is not just looking for our loose change--He's looking for a tighter contract between us and our neighbor."
-Bono U2 (On AIDS in Africa)

I could not have said it better

2005-11-09T15:38:00.000-06:00

“Africa has become a trendy topic these days. Hollywood celebrities have adopted the ONE Campaign, the most popular musicians in the world have become activists through Live8, and the media covers more stories on AIDS, famine, war and poverty.

But as Africa becomes more topical, it can be easy to make Africans a cause that is advertised on a wristband or T-shirt or guitar case instead of people who reflect God’s image just as we do. It’s hard when all we see are the staggering statistics and the children with bloated bellies and flies on their faces. In our attempts to be advocates for Africa, it is difficult to reach beyond simple awareness. And although awareness is a vital first breath in the conversation about injustice, the Gospel calls us to something more transformational. It provokes us to the uncomfortable act of knowing and to the intentional decision to be present in the suffering of a person whose shoes walk daily on the battlefield where hope and death, life and despair wage their unyielding war.
They don’t want pity. They don’t want charity. Like all of us, they want to be known….
How powerful it is to walk in someone’s shoes when they’re barefoot.”
-Jena Lee
(taken from an article in Relevant Magazine- Issue. 17)

I have been given the amazing opportunity to pioneer something that will allow people to incarnationally know the people of Africa and enter into their suffering. This Sunday I meet with smarter people than I and we will dream up an African revolution. I’m nervous and excited all at the same time. More on this to come…

Mull it over

2005-11-02T23:59:00.000-06:00

Have you ever wondered what the person in the car next to you is thinking or the person in the line at the grocery store is thinking? Well, here are some random snippets of thoughts and truths recently orbiting my cranium while I drive to work, clean the kitchen or walk down the street:

Sometimes people asking for advice aren't always looking for advice; they're looking for you to confirm what they have already decided.

Unity at the expense of truth is worthless.

Do we need more milk at home? Mhmmmm, Rocky Road or dishwashing liquid? Tough choice.... Needs and wants allan, get it right.

Since when did "at least I’m being honest" give license to say whatever we want regardless if its hurtful or rude. When did honesty become the highest stand-alone virtue?

Don't just say, "let's do coffee or let's hang out sometime" with no intention of ever doing so.

Always Tip well, you may be poor but don't be cheap.

I can't believe this person is cutting me off without using their blinker! Oh my gosh...and they're on the phone! I'm totally gonna yell at them...*yell*: "It's a car not a freakin phone booth!"

Avoid saying, “I'm praying for you" because you care for someone, but then don't pray for them. It’s not just a nice sentiment; coz from another angle it’s a lie about talking to God on someone else’s behalf. Rather just tell them that you care for them and walk away. I think God would prefer this.

When debating or discussing a topic, try not to make it personal. If you do, you'll hinder yourself from learning. And consider that what you've always thought was true, may actually be wrong. It will make you a better learner.

I love the font on that billboard! Remember to look that up when you get home. Note to self, www.whatthefont.com

Don't tell small lies to get out of something or make a situation smoother. Little lies are like invisible bacteria that eat at your soul corroding your very character.

Learn to say no. It might be the kindest thing you could ever say, for the person asking and for yourself. Boundaries, capacity and limits ultimately make you a healthier stronger person.

Look at all those people pretending to study in Starbucks! Lord I’m so glad I’m done studying! What the? ...he's totally hitting on her!

Sleep may be the most spiritual activity you could participate in at the end of a long day.

And to go along with that...something that I learned from one of my favorite Profs, Dr. Thrasher,
"God will never give you more than you can possibly do in 24hrs. Other people might... and you might... but God never will."

painting

2005-10-24T14:58:00.000-05:00

“…to him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.” (rev2:17)

I painted this painting, this summer. I look forward to my white stone.

This weekend both my roommates were out of town for weddings in Texas and Seattle. And so I took this opportunity to paint our apartment without them knowing. Now, I know that this would cause a problem in some households but not in ours. I knew it wouldn’t matter. I was just impressed they noticed it. Erin Picasso was my accomplice who actually did most of the work while I watched the Sox kick butt. (for those of you who don’t live in Chicago, know that the Sox being in the World Series has infused this city with an unbelievable electric atmosphere.)

At about 1am I decided it was a good time to call my Ma'ma in S.Africa. We chatted as I painted with my hands free on. After that, I called my nieces and sister in England and we chatted for a long time. (Who would’ve thought it possible, 200 years ago, that you could paint a wall while talking to someone on the other side of the world. It still seems so bizarre to me.) At about 4am the talking was done, the job was done and the place looked impressive… almost as though annoying Ty and his Extreme Makeover crew had floated in. (not really) The place has a very coffee shop feel to it now- according to experts in the field. The whole project was really refreshing. It reminded me of how much I love painting.

We now have a visitor’s canvas. So anyone who stops by to say hi gets to splatter and leave his or her mark on this big canvas we have out. It’s our, hopefully creative alternative to a visitor’s book. So stop by if you’re feeling a little creative!
Again, thanks e-rock for yo skillz girl.

3 Churches

2005-10-17T15:31:00.000-05:00

In the last week I attended three different churchs, three very different churches.

The first was “House of Hope” on the South Side (GO SOX!!). This African American church is pastored by Reverand Meeks and gathers in a 10,000 seater building! This place is huge! I figured this when I was directed to jump on a school bus which would take us from one end of the parking lot to the other. The worship was phenominal and the atmospere was electric with expectancy for God to heal, deliver and save. The presiding very sweaty Bishop T.D Jakes from Texas brought the Word that night and boy did he bring the Word! It was powerful to hear him rebuke our modern day version of comfy, secure followership. He painted a gorgeous picture of the sovereignty of God in our suffering. And encouraged all to trust. Oh, he brought it alright.

The next evening I was invited to “B'nai Ohr Beth Teflilah” congregation for their Yom Kippur celebration. The Rabbi Pastor of this Messianic congregation was amazing and was extremely passionate about what he shared. His anticipation of Jesus’ return and his contagious awe of Yahweh really impressed upon me. I loved it when he took out the Shofar (ram’s horn trumpet) and blew it till he literally went six shades of blue in the face. I actually caught myself open mouthed gawking at him as I prepared to run over and do CPR. Seriously, I was nervous. After, as we all ate a potluck dinner together I spent an hour with one of the pastors who so neatly articulated why I’m not Jewish enough in my Christianity. It really challenged me in an unexpected way and I will muse on this at a later stage.

And of course my very own church, “River City Community Church”. Yes, incase you’re wondering, this is where Jesus goes to churh on Sunday monrings. I have never expressed how much I love my church here, but I really do. Its such a mess and filled with so many unholy, broken people. It’s so young and idealistic but it’s kinda working… God shows up and peoples lives are being changed.

There are a bunch of thoughts that this week of Church overdose has produced. One thing that comes to mind is the fact that churches can have extremly dfferent styles of teaching and worship etc. And yet God uses them all to meet with His people. I think style, method, where and when mean zero to God. I know that above our own styles and methods and cultures, God calls us to be seeking Him. He calls us to be “Cross” cultural first. He wants worshippers whom will worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. He wants our hearts! For some reason He’s always after our hearts!

(And I must also say… I think we would learn a lot about God from each other if we stepped out of our safe, comfortable places and worshipped with people who don’t look like us, once in a while - a challenge perhaps. And if you ever come across a blue Rabbi, don’t worry, he knows what he’s doing. Everything is under control.)

"Go and do likewise" (a command, not a suggestion)

2005-10-12T01:39:00.000-05:00

Fall weekends are so awesome, so unpredictable. It could be warm enough to kick it outside or cold enough to chill inside. I attended a great meeting on Sat morn (Have I ever mentioned that I love meetings. I love the possibilities, vision and weaving, creating and dreaming together.) But really, why Saturday morning! My Shabbat "don't-wake-me-before-11am-sleep-in" was totally violated. I did get to have a super hilarious brunch with the boys and went to drum circle and beat down on my Djembe in the evening with Annie, Amy and Greg. Later we burned up the dance floor with a little Salsa at Rumba, a great snazzy Latin dance spot. Okay, I didn't exactly burn up the dance floor. I wanted to break out with a little Michael Jackson but Annie would have none of it.

Sunday- It took me almost an hour to get to church because of the Chicago Marathon. Princess Zulu, came and spoke at church. Her and I got to brag a lot about Zambia as we Sunday lunched at our churches favorite restaurant, El Cid.
.....
When I first started writing this entry I was sharing my weekend. I was going to go on and tell of Hot Pot feasting in China Town and our late night Badminton.
But I stepped out to watch my BBC World Report and now I feel ill.
- 30,000 feared dead
- 64 year old, man severely beaten by 3 police offices caught on videotape.
- Mudslide in Guatemala buries 1,500 people.
Etc, etc...

I have always had an honest struggle matching the good life with global crisis.
Thinking..thinking...thinking.
I feel and see my part in it.. but I know that I can talk myself out of anything. My greatest fear is becoming one of the so many trendy "cool" who speak so eloquently of social issues and global concerns while sipping on fair trade coffee, driving my eco friendly Volkswagen and cheering on Bono but all the while really living a life of self-interest and frantic consumption.

Do we utter things we know we will never be held accountable for? Does the Spirit whisper loud enough to stop our lives to heed the command of Jesus? Go and do likewise.
Do we pray and weep for those suffering, those abused, those living in extreme poverty? Do we stop? Or do we secretly rather not want to know? I once watched one of those teen TV shows, Dawson's One Tree County or something. The disheveled superstar had just realized the world wasn't just about him and his High school. Frustrated that no one cared he pleaded his revelation to his ditsy girlfriend. Thoughtfully she responded, "I'd rather not know, ignorance really is bliss."

God is about the epic task of redemption and He wants us to participate with Him in redeeming this world. All this hints at deeper questions. Where does the good life merge with global crisis and redemption? Where does my faith ripple to, away from my life? I honestly ask myself how much of my good life is really smiled upon by God and why does He so graciously put up with my sassy, conditional and partial surrender?
I am learning that I know nothing of surrender when it comes to what God wants. He wants it ALL! Our very lives, from dollars to dreams, time to talent. He wants the very breath we breathe.

Thinking...thinking and still thinking...

simple friday

2005-10-07T11:46:00.000-05:00

Deep sigh. Slowly I reach for my lunch with one hand and my bag with another. I throw over the strap to give myself that feeling of mission and war. nothing. I pull out the keys from the ignition and clip my iPod to my side. Silence. I pause.... thoughts, too many thoughts. Weary of them I look to the sky. A dull bluish grey day, not ideal for a Friday I tell the Lord. My opinion on what I think He should do seems to fill much of our conversation these days.

Crossing the parking lot I feel my muscles tighten and loosen with each stride. Last night’s lack of sleep clings to my ankles, slowing each step. A full parking lot makes me feel behind on the day. When I tread this way again it will be empty. Another day of catch up. In my mind I choose not to live like this. In my actions I do.

I begin to climb the small steps to the entrance of the Vanguard Center. My reflection in the big glass windows catches my eye and I watch myself slowly climb. I see my steps rise and fall. I see my frame and I try to square myself. There’s something mesmerizing about seeing yourself in motion. I see my face, my growing matte hair and then my eyes. My eyes tell a story. They will one day tell an epic, a long dramatic saga. A thick novel, that over time I hope becomes a beautiful series chronicling something other than me.

The words of a song begin to play in my mind.
“…this is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?”
Opening the big glass door I try not to answer the question. *Sigh* Today I feel simple. I want to be simple. Today I shall put off the big questions, put off the cares. Sip on coffee, eat sushi and listen to the London symphony.
Today I choose a simple Friday.

"romance is dead"

2005-10-02T03:19:00.001-05:00

“If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, it’s yours.
If it does not… hunt it down and kill it.”

I read this tonight at a party and I laughed so hard. This beautiful wannabe truth was cheesilly embroidered and framed. (Because we all know that anything embroidered and framed is clearly truth.) Well, it was the cherry on top of our intense and ridiculously funny conversation on romance.

Ah yes, it’s something special to be in a room filled with single young adults in Chicago on a Saturday night. It just oozes vibrancy and energy. And so in my mind it seemed to be the perfect place to promote my “Romance is Dead” theory. Now I know some of you reading this may be familiar with where this ideology may stem from for me. For those of you who don’t I will describe quickly and figuratively to avoid mentioning names. Basically my bid for a future home was declined due to my shortfall and I was unable to close the deal and so a more suitable buyer quickly purchased the home. I have been advised to look in other neighborhoods, but I have kindly disinclined this request and so I am left slightly homeless and perhaps jaded…but awakening to a new found glory. (For a more accurate description of where I’m at see “Remember the Tin Man”- Tracy Chapman.)

But back to the story:
With three brilliant, beautiful and wonderful ladies around me I began to unveil my new found theory. So thus the conversation went.
“Romance is dead. An illusion. Folly designed to trip us up. A distraction to misdirect our energies and attention from what is truly important”. I spoke of my newfound freedom. Free as a bird, foot loose and fancy free. I spoke of the joys of an undivided heart and the beauty of deeply caring for the larger community, whom is so often neglected when individuals find themselves consumed by romance and the pursuit. I quoted famous burned lovers and even attempted to misquote scripture to back my argument up. (Darn Naomi knows her Bible so well she caught it.)

They weren’t buying what I was selling. I broke it down into bite size pieces and even used great illustrations and acronyms. I poured them more wine. I told them I had seen the light and how I could disciple them out of the darkness of futile mushy love and take them to the solid ground of singleness in deep community. No one was biting. More wine.

Finally a hint of agreement surfaced. Dianna smiled and said, “Perhaps you’re right.” And then preceded to sneakily undermine my theory by explaining something God had shown her that day through the movie, “The Mask of Zorro”.
“What the?” I thought to myself, but let her continue.
She spoke about how beautiful it was to see Zorro and Zetta Jones heroically free the slaves together.... and side-by-side they accomplished so much and in their “along side” process they fell for each other. (She also reckons the side-by-side thing has to do with woman coming from man’s rib. She’s so smart.) She said a lot of other things that seemed to make sense as all the other girls grinned and smiled and nodded with those annoying “mmms” and “ahhhs” and I slowly realized and felt she didn’t really like my thoughts and didn’t really want to become my disciple.

It was a great conversation and reflected the lighter side of “life love and why.”

If any one out there would like a free pamphlet on my “Romance is Dead” theory, please contact me. And if anyone wants to become a disciple please contact me ASAP. No couples need apply.

Dear Laurel and Qball

2005-09-30T01:01:00.000-05:00

“You belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea”- Coldplay

Just curious, what do they call people from Virginia Beach? Virginia Beachins? Sorry but everything that comes to mind sounds dodgy…but that may just be, because I’m a dodgy character.

Laurel and Qball… fine, fine, I am jealous of your Coldplay experience last night and yes I did appreciate the play-by-play phone calls and text messages. And yes, I was crying listening to “Fix You” over the phone. (You couldn’t tell but I was really crying in my heart. I really was, I promise. It was beautiful.)
It made my day being happy for you.

I miss both of you tremendously. More than I ever thought possible. Q my Republican brother, I miss our long, late night discussions, chuckles and Oreos. (…and I really miss making fun of your Michael Bolton too.) Laurel, I miss our late morning commute debates and counseling sessions over iced coffee. (And I really miss making fun of Big Bertha and your plantation owning family.)
Seriously, I really miss you guys.

I love you guys so much.

… still very jealous.

injustice

2005-09-25T01:25:00.000-05:00

“Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps. But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!” – God
(see amo5)

With my recent purchase of The Travel Book, my jovial viewing of
Motorcycle Diaries and a long beautiful conversation with my mother, I feel the molten magma of mission begin to move in my veins. A renewed sense of destiny and direction has gripped me and I see myself walking towards the starting blocks, shaking free the nervous shackles of comfort and security.

I was awed at the final word Ernesto "Che" Guevara chose, to describe his youthful adventurous travels around South America; “Injustice”.

On Wednesday evening at church, we watched and discussed Hotel Rwanda. After, I did a presentation on the genocide in the Darfur region in Sudan. And as I spoke and presented I was struck at how my heart was freshly moved by this injustice. Injustice. Gross injustice.

I lingered at a Cantonese restaurant, sipping on hot tea, with my accountability friend; Hang Tu. We spoke about our hearts and the scars and fresh wounds we carry. And as we prayed together our eyes turned from our own lives, a new vision for those in our circles and those in our world emerged and overwhelmed us. So much injustice.

Father, may the things that are close to Your heart become the things that are close to our hearts. Amen.

"So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice or for the extension of justice?" -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter from Birmingham Jail

Winding Creek

2005-09-20T01:01:00.000-05:00

The harvest at the vineyard is something I look forward to at the end of each summer.

Imagine rolling fields dotted with lazy cows and dancing trees. Imagine gathering juicy grapes with gorgeous blue skies above and rolling green fields as far as the eye can see. Imagine a million grapes squishing under your feet and a million laughs in your heart. Imagine a glassy pond, a beautiful log cabin, a porch, rocking chairs and a sinking golden sunset. Imagine lingering outside while darkness descends. Now reach out far enough and you will be able to touch an upward rising moon. And then when the evening is done, with your head on the pillow, listen long enough and you will be able to hear the sound of silence.
I love this place.

I love the people who live here. I love how welcome I feel every time I see them. I love how hospitable and kind they are. I love their contagious smiles and bubbling hearts. I love this hidden little corner of the planet and every minute I've ever spent here.
I love this place.

Two years ago I took an evening walk up the hill above the vines and said hello to God. He's so much easier to walk with in lush grass and so much easier to listen to with the wind in the trees. He whispered wonderful things to me that day. Out on those hills, He gets me still enough to hear Him and quiet enough to listen.
I love this place.

Having said all this, I hope you can catch a glimpse of how much I love this place, how much I love this family; Annie, Amy, Mary and Fred, you guys are the greatest. Grazie. Molto amore!

taking a dip

the main cabin

apple baseball

quality control

making wine

Lynn, Annie, Amy and I (stunning girls...and stunning me too.)

okay, I can't resist, one last one of tim and I ...

(I drove this bulldozer once. That night I had a dream I was driving it on the freeway in rush hour traffic. Wonderful dream.)

"...bullet and a target"

2005-09-15T01:18:00.000-05:00

I finally got to see Citizen Cope perform at the Double Door! Wow, it was spectacular! He is such a brilliant musician. The place was a packed out jamming, sweaty, smoke box.. ah it was such a killer show! Pick up his CD tomorrow if you haven't heard him before. Somethin' a little different.

The Clarence Greenwood Recordings- Citizen Cope

CLICK HERE to watch one of his music videos. Seriously, you have to listen to this. It's awesome! This song is first in my iMix. Seriously, click it or you know what!

defining moment

2005-09-13T14:56:00.000-05:00

I know I was going to write a report on my time in Wisconsin but I received a petition from the residents of Wisconsin asking me to disaffiliate myself with them as I am apparently stirring up too much controversy over the whole “Metro” discussion. So I digress.
--------------------------------------------

I know I am probably the last person in the world to see “Million Dollar Baby” but I finally got around to seeing it and was pretty moved by the rawness of the story. I’m not going to try and be smart and pretend I have an opinion on the filmmaking and acting because I really don’t.

I guess it’s the story that has stuck with me over the last 48hrs. And the momentum these thoughts have gathered. I have multiplying thoughts about the unfathomable brokenness many people live with or have come out of and this driving desire to make something of themselves. Simultaneously I am awed at the incredible potential for true wholeness, significance, achievement, and meaningfulness God has to offer us. Not for selfish ambition or vein conceit… but I love that He offers us a chance to heroically participate in redeeming this world to Himself.

The thing I’ve been thinking about is this; is there a moment in time where each of us is called to decide if we will take on a more specific call? I’m not talking about salvation issues. I’m talking about our individual life purpose for which God has weaved us together. You know that defining moment, that Moses at the burning bush decision time. That Joshua, “choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve,..” moment. That, “whom can I send and who will go for me?..” calling.

I wonder if many of us once had a radical vision in our hearts that somehow over time has begun to wither. My greatest fear is that years from now I will look back and see that I heisted and paused, and I rationalized and in my delay and hesitation, voices and words convinced me to stay...and I found myself able to walk away from what I knew what was right. I think this is why I love Wallace’s words that heed the warning of life’s deepest regret; ignoring that call and coming to the end and dying, having not really lived. Who wants to die having not really lived their purpose? Ah, to be like David "For when David had served God's purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried…”

William: “I am William Wallace, and I see before me an army of my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What would you do without freedom? Will you fight?

Soldier: “Fight against that? No, we will run, and we will live.”

William: “Ay, fight and you may die, run and you'll live. At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom.”

I wonder when this “on the battle field moment of decision” is for each person, this seemingly impossible journey that calls me away from the shoreline of comfort and safety? And I wonder how many of us forsake our calling and walk on. I don’t know… just thinking.
Thinkin too much.

priceless

2005-09-06T01:45:00.000-05:00

Going to drum circle with Jesikah and having a 4am night out, sweetly exhausting.
Swimming in the lake, playing several games of volleyball and getting my groove back, exhaustingly sweet.
Waking up in the morning and finding a note at my door, from a roommate saying, "Allan, you have become a brother." Priceless.

Aggressive blow-Tapioca-through-straw fights with Mike and Michelle in China Town and discovering I'm actually a Dragon, delightfully amusing.
Goodbye lunch with Jenn, and embarrassing her beyond every shade of red, amusingly delightful.
Realizing what an awesome friend she's been to me, again...priceless.

Grilling out at Paige's and watching fireworks out on the lake, unexpectedly beautiful.
Riding the streets of Chicago late at night with friends, beautifully unexpected.
Running over drunk Jimmy Buffet fans in Wrigleyville... somewhat priceless.

Wisconsin demolition derby, horse-pull, lumberjacks and pig racing, wonderfully entertaining.
My first corn dog, cheese curds and pig racing, entertainingly wonderful.
The photo of birthday-boy-Tim and I weaning milk from the udder of a 30ft inflatable cow, oh so priceless!

Driving back home from a ridiculously awesome weekend and talking with my Father, totally, inexpressibly priceless, priceless, priceless!

-------------------------------------------------
Up Coming attractions, on my next post, about Wisconsin:
A. I have a new crush on Demolition Derby Driver Kick-Ass-Girls. Forget those "nice" church girls, this is where it's at boys. Cuties, HELLO!
B. Okay, F.Y.I Wisconsin, I'm from Africa and I've had elephant ears and those weren't them.

Everything’s Not Lost

2005-09-01T01:46:00.000-05:00

This one was too funny to pass up. My sister sent it to me and it managed to pull out a chuckle and a giggle so I thought I would share.

I have been thinking about what it means to be lost for some reason. If you hail from any sort of Christian background the word “lost” often refers to “them”. You know, those over there who haven’t yet said the prayer. The objects of our well rehearsed dramas and tract giving. Those yet to walk to the front and bend the knee. Wow, what a cynic I have become of contemporary evangelism. (I hate that I’m like this but really folks, let’s try actually loving the people. Well that’s another topic for another day.)

But this is not the lostness I have been thinking of. I was lost driving to a friend’s house the other day and called up and said, “I’m lost!” They asked “well, how lost are you?” I said, “I am as lost as a Southern Baptist pastor in a titty bar.”
Now that’s kinda like the lostness I’m talking about. I have been thinking about those whom are spiritually found but get lost in their walk. Those prodigals, who lose their way in the Way. I admit I am more than occasionally one of them. I have been feeling very lost recently. It’s not theological or philosophical or any other “icals”. It’s a peculiar lostness though. It’s an incapacitating feeling inside me that makes me feel….unfound. Does that make any sense?

Well I think we all have the ability to let the days roll by, weeks, and months without truly contemplating. Busyness steals our attention and the obstacle course of life clouds eternal perspective, leaving us feeling lost. But I think there is a lostness that pleads with God to be found. I mean david said it, “You are my help and deliverer; O my God, do not delay.” In fact loads of his stuff came from this place of feeling stranded. I like how Van Morrison says it too.
“I’m stranded at the edge of the world. It’s a world I don’t know and I’ve got no place to go. It feels like I’m stranded” –Stranded, from the album Magic Time. (this is such a great song.)

I guess that ultimately in this directionless place we understand what it means to really surrender beyond those pretty worship songs. We raise our arms in surrender to God and hope for Him to turn them into an embrace. Running on empty I think I’m there. Like Erin’s pastor said on Sunday, “you get to a place where you have no more faith and Grace takes over.” Mmm…I like that. I think I’m here Lord.

past, present, future and 5 things

2005-08-25T12:12:00.000-05:00

10 Years Ago
10 years ago I was a freshman in Art School. It was pretty much the worst year of my life, despite the fact that I was pretty much the best artist I knew. Half my classes were in a language I didn’t understand. I had just moved to a new country, which I didn’t want to be in and I had just left my high school girlfriend. It was the first time in 10 years I lived at home and the first time I had to get a real job. But let’s face it; the year was redeemed by the fact that the greatest movie ever made was released this year. That’s right, Braveheart.

5 Years Ago
I was a youth pastor in a “Community” Church (undercover Baptist church) working with teenagers whom had saved my soul from the lake of fire otherwise known as the advertising industry. They gave me the greatest job in the world! I drove the coolest car in the world too, a little red mini, which they used to hide from me. Ah, good times; 7 people, 5 skateboards, 2 guitars and no gas. I took a trip to Germany, Australia and across the US from NY to SF and fell in love with Chicago that year.

Yesterday
I was at a radio station. Our ministry was live on the air. An older couple, friends of mine, begged to set me up. I had a Wendy’s salad for lunch. And I almost blew the speakers in my car listening to Dashboard Confessional.

Today
Not much has happened today. The coffee's good. I’ll be back at the radio station. And there is a serene quiet in my soul today. Thank you Lord.

Tomorrow
I am going to Rhythm, a drum circle and I am taking my Djembe from Burkina Faso in West Africa, to introduce him to other drums. It’s kinda like a dog park but for drums.

5 Snacks
1. Mixed Nuts
2. Trail mix
3. Chocolate nuts or raisins
4. Biltong (spicy dry smoked meat)

5 Band whose songs I know most of the lyrics to
1. Coldplay
2. Counting Crows
3. Tracy Chapman (first album I ever memorized all the words to)
4. Sting
5. Bob Marley

5 Things I would do with $100, 000, 000
Peter: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter: I'd relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, he don't do shit.
Okay, seriously.
1. I would obviously invest.
2. I would buy a ranch on the coast by Cape Town in South Africa. It would exist to give people experiences with God and each other that would change their lives forever.
3.Use it to do orphan rescue and care church planting in Sub Sahara Africa.
4. I would buy everyone a Coke.
5.And I would for sure buy real cool crap and tell people I have lots of money so I could get a smokin’ hot girlfriend who really loves me. “Cause chicks dig a dude with money.”

5 Locations I would like to runaway to.
1. My room
2. San Diego
3. Cape Town (Jesus lives here)
4. Paul’s crib in Pennsylvania
5. My old boarding school in Zambia. (I LOVE this place!)

5 Bad habits I have
1. Biting off my fingernails and flossing with them.
2. Sucking air through my teeth.
3. Withdrawing myself from a group because I like to sometimes just be an observer.
4. Road Rage
5. just generally being a selfish person. I know its not a bad habit. But really this question is here to make me realize how much I suck. Okay I get it.

5 things I like doing
1. Swimming and all that outdoors summer crap.
2. If I can get there I love sincerely worshiping.
3. I enjoy my arts side; painting, music, movies, excellent writing etc.
4. Honest conversations
5. And lets be honest, making out has to definitely fall somewhere in the top five. I’m just saying. keeping it real. Gosh.

5 Things I would never wear
1. Woman’s clothes.
2. A pink shirt. (I guess I’m just not secure enough in my manhood to sport one of these okay.)
3. Ballet shoes. (it’s already been tried).
4. Abercrombie-lame-ass clothes.
5. A thong.

5 TV shows I like
1. Everwood.
2. That 70’s Show.
3. Friends (I started watching this the week it ended).
4. BBCNews World Report.
5. Punk’d (when I get to go over to my rich friends who have cable)

5 Movies I like
1. Braveheart.
2. Family Man.
3. Good Will Hunting.
4. Before Sunset.
5. Office Space. (it gets a mention since I quoted it in this post)
6. Reality Bites. (so I wrote six, sue me.)

5 Famous People I would like to meet
1. Martin Luther King Jr. & Martin Luther (since they have the same name they count as one.)
2. Dietrich Bonhoeffer
3. St. Augustine
4. Brad Pitt (since he’s a celebrity he counts as half a person. So can I add Bob Marley?)
5. My great, great, great etc grandfather whom was around in Jesus day.

5 Biggest Joys at the moment
1. Awesome friends
2. Painting
3. My wonderfully sad music choices at the moment.
4. The fact we will be playing volleyball this Sunday on North Avenue beach.
5. Knowing I gave it my best shot. No regrets.

5 Favorite Toys
1. my iPod
2. my record player
3. this blog (at times)
4. djembe
5. I really want a good, size 5 soccer ball so that it can become my favorite. (hint, hint it’s like my birthday soon. My spiritual birthday or something like that coming up here pretty soon.)

5 People to Tag
Nic, Paul, David, Greg, Erika.

WOW that was a task! It would have been easier to write a 15-page paper on the hypostatic union of Christ.

Here's to

2005-08-19T16:23:00.001-05:00

I love Coldplay! I’m talking deep romantic feelings. Last weekend I got to see them live at Alpine Valley in WI. On Wednesday night I found an original imported copy of their very first EP Blue Room, at an independent record store down the street. But this week I have rediscovered how simply beautiful their lyrics are. Longing galore with tiny, tiny glimmers of hope. Somehow they articulate the profound beauty that comes from the struggles of the heart. But it’s a victorious pain. And that kind of pain is hard to pull off without sounding snide or bitter. It’s rare. Where do they get this material?
The heart?
I think so. I think if you dare to gaze deep enough into the heart and peal back the choking layers of pride, fear, regret etcetera you will find the treasure of treasures, a jewel so very tender so very magnificent.

In some cultures they say that the heart is not the center of the being. They say the stomach; the eyes or the mind are the focal point of a person. I disagree. I swear the heart is where the soul dwells. If you have ever had your entire soul saturated with pain you will know that those deep vibrations, those post tremors, those core eruptions originate from the heart.

“The heart is an organ of fire” is my favorite quote about the heart. I know it should probably be the popular biblical warning, “guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (prov4:23)
But I like this raw idea that these feelings and emotions that can physically weigh down ones being are likened to a raging furnace, a fire that consumes the entire person. The stomach refuses food, the eyes leak tears and the mind looses focus. And the soul, through the heart, tries desperately to breath in meaning, relief, and air. Yeah, I think the heart truly is the center of our being. Mhhhmmmm.

Here’s to the Heart. Here’s to Coldplay.

A simple Waltz for Mary

2005-08-18T01:42:00.000-05:00

This is a song of all that went wrong
A song about love about pain

This is a poem about life and a home
A home for you and for me

This is a verse of heartache and the curse
The curse of falling for you

The heart it drops it shudders it stops.
It strains and it breaks from all the mistakes.
Inevitably the future will be.

A bridge was made but friendships they fade from red to blue to grey.
The embers they burn and together we turn
never to be seen again.

Farewell sweet kiss it is you I will miss
But my heart it belongs down below.
There’s no death no life no war no strife…
just silence and darkness and snow.

Farewell my lass this for you shall soon pass
But for me my last breath I had left
Deep rivers they run but my heart has grown numb
Sweet end you have finally come.

“It’s all good, from Diego to the Bay.” –Pac & Dre

2005-08-15T17:08:00.000-05:00

I’m back from a brilliant, brilliant tour of the Californian coastline. It was stunning! Rather than posting beautiful sunsets pics, which I don’t have I will highlight from the few pics I took. We landed in the big SD and crawled from beach to beach till we hit San Fran. We went from 5 star pampering on a golf course estate to crappy student hostiles to sneaking into State Beaches to camp out.
The bearded John the Baptist look-alike is my wingman Paul. He’s off to Micronesia for 2yrs with the Peace Corps and so we had one last bout of chasing loose women…………… chasing them into the loving arms of the Lord of course.

Take a look see. Thanks to all y’all who prayed for me to have a relaxing, refreshing time away.
Right on.

Contemplating the deeper meaning of life and wondering where the heck the Golden Gate Bridge is.

This TIME magazine billboard was brilliant. The perfect use of simple words and images. I’m ready to subscribe.

Hard Rock Café, San Francisco. We meet two guys from Austria and Italy whom we surfed with in SD we later hooked up with in San Fran.

Anyone who knows Cali will know "In and Out Burger" and what a ridiculously sweet breakfast lunch and dinner spot this is. (They are also open for morning and afternoon snack time.)

Surfer Paul, after we spent a day being thrashed by the waves. We all got worked real good. Note to self- don’t wear wet board shorts for the whole day. Nappy rash makes for an unpleasant walk along the beach.

San Diego harbor- bella. I love San Diego!

Traffic came to a sudden halt as a suicide jumper was talked down off the bridge over the Pacific Coast Highway.

At Golden Gate Park we rented some hybrid cart/bicycle sort of contraptions and went jetting around the little paths knocking over old folks who were innocently stopping to smell the flowers.

Yes, yes...good times had by all. I want to make a quick shout out to my boy Paul. You rock spanky. A shout out to Lonely Planet Travel Guide..you became our cloud by day and pillar of fire by night. Shout out to Erika and Sara for hookin' us up at the Hotel Del Vista. One last shout out, thank you Lord for letting us love life and your creation. You are Beautiful.

"California here we come right back where we started from..."

2005-08-02T01:25:00.000-05:00

On Sunday we played some great games of beach volleyball. I finally found my groove with my serve. I can’t exactly remember when I figured out how to serve like this. In fact I think the whole thing is kinda an accident. But allow me to brag a bit here; in High School my “Scud Missile Serves” became legendary after we won a 15-0 game just because our opponents couldn’t return the ball. The only problem is that if I lose any focus whatsoever I’m screwed and the ball ends up in Kingdom Come and I end up looking like an over zealous amateur. If I hesitate, or take my eyes off the ball for a fraction of a second, I loose total control. I find that even if my thoughts wander for a microsecond, all is lost. Focus is everything!

Over supper tonight with Mary, I used this silly little illustration to best describe where I am at, at this point in life. I feel like I am so weary that I have been losing focus far to frequently. I’m trying to do life as best as I know how but I know I look like an over zealous amateur, striking out. The good news is that I’m still in the game. I think I need a time out to grab a Gatorade and refresh before I pull out my wicked serve and game on. So I’m taking a time out and heading off to paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

One more day of work and then I’m westbound! Yes, the golden State will welcome me with love and smiles. My wingman, the Apostate Paul and I are taking another trip. This time it’s not for New Years in Time Square or a wedding in Canada or the sights in DC. This time it’s to the warm waters of the Pacific, the grape laden vines of Napa Valley and the sun soaked beaches of Santa Cruz. The next two weeks are going to be about refreshing, refocusing, rejuvenating and getting my groove back……and maybe a little Cabernet Sauvignon.

If you remember, please pray for me.

relocating

2005-07-27T16:12:00.000-05:00

(me, working like a Hebrew slave.)

Today it was confirmed that we are moving offices to a bigger place. I love my space, my window, my desk, my view of the Holiday Inn and parking lot. Ah…farewell sweet sanctuary. When we move I will post a pic of my new space in the basement.
(PS yes, that’s my morning face…and what I like to call my “mama’s boy smile”.)

a peculiar graduation

2005-07-22T01:24:00.000-05:00

Tonight I talked with God.
I awoke this morning with a heavy, heavy heart. Disappointed and frustrated. Half an hour late I ran down to the car and found myself parked in. On the freeway I spilt my coconut-iced coffee over my nice clean white shirt. I picked one up at the store, making me an hour late for work,… as the boss was willing to point out. (and I usually start work at 10!) A sad email and 2 cancelled dinner plans later I found myself sitting in my neighborhood diner alone with my new leather bound journal and a pen on fire.

I love the way black ink perfectly leaks onto pure white pages. I love how thoughts flow from my heart to my head, through my arm and onto the page. I have felt like a run away child of recent, filling my time with good times but skewed priorities. Carelessly and selfishly running away from my Father. I scribbled down a picture of a crumbling, wounded heart with a blindfolded me trying to climb out of it, while resisting His fierce love.

“The conscious awareness of our resistance to grace and the refusal to allow God’s love to make us who we really are brings a sense of oppression. Our lives become fragmented, inconsistent, lacking in harmony and out of sync.” –Brennan Manning.

Feeling lost inside of oneself is a feeling worse than loneliness. Reading the first few words of Ragamuffin Gospel put a cool breeze in my sail.
His smile came unexpectedly;
Words of Manning made me think that perhaps I am not as lost as I think. Perhaps I have graduated from an arrogant and independent religious christianity. I have matured to realize that I am now one of the … bedraggled, beat-up, and burnt-out…the sorely burned who are still shifting the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other…the weak-kneed who knows I don’t have it altogether and am too proud to accept the hand-out of amazing grace. I am one of the inconsistent, unsteady disciples whose cheese is falling off their cracker. I am one of the poor, weak, sinful men with hereditary faults and limited talents, an earthen vessel who shuffles along on feet of clay. Yes, I am bent and bruised and feel at times that my life is a grave disappointment to God. I am one of those smart people who knows they are stupid and am an honest disciple who admits he has grown weary and discouraged along the Way.

Who knew that descending was the prerequisite for this over due graduation? And now i'm off to following jesus 101...

be a man

2005-07-13T13:48:00.000-05:00

I remember reading the poem "IF" by Rudyard Kipling which to my knowledge still hangs in the home of my Uncle Keith. The poem reminds me of those hot sticky summer afternoons in my teenage years when I would take long naps on the couch and stare up at it, read it and re-read it to myself till I fell into a peaceful sleep. The poem is an eloquent list of noble virtues that a father presents to his son. My favorite part was always the last line that crescendos into this simple profound conclusion, “And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!”

I finally got around to watching Coach Carter. I loved the dedication and unyielding leadership of this man. I loved his clarity of vision and his commitment to what he saw was beyond the fleeting victory of a basketball game. “I came here to coach athletes, and you became students. I came here to teach boys, and you became men.” – Coach Carter

I have been thinking a lot about what makes a man a MAN. I have always admired men who are solid rocks… Martin Luther, Martin Luther King Jr., William Wallace, Gandhi, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Winston Churchill, and Nelson Mandela. I feel that these men are portraits of what I want to believe a man to be. I guess I struggle with the fact that these men are so few and far between. Why do so many men fall short? What happened to leadership, honor, virtue, fortitude, courage, and valor? Unfortunately, even writing these words down sounds like they are from ages past.

“Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.” – Garrison Keillor
Have we become part of a culture that has emasculated men? Am I a front row witness to the feminization of society? Excuse me but how the hell did the perfectly manicured Abercrombie models get to represent manhood for my generation? And why are there, so many wimpy Raymond’s and pathetic Castanza’s? Is anyone else hearing me on this? The water is muddy and we are losing sight of what a real man is. I would hate for my kids to look up to guys like R. Kelly, Coby or Johnny Knoxville. Where have all the real men gone? Seriously! I emphatically refuse to believe that I cannot be a MAN!

Okay, I’m done.

a somber rant on romance

2005-07-07T00:04:00.000-05:00

Last night I had supper at Jenny and Robins. They are a young, happily married couple that met over the Internet. I went to their wedding last summer and last night I found myself hesitantly agreeing to the only option for the evenings entertainment, “let’s watch the wedding video”.
I honestly really didn’t want to but I love this couple and they were so excited to give the directors commentary of “their day”.

I have been going through this very contemplative, very pendulum-like time of being desperately disillusioned with any sort of love and romance and then also being euphorically happy for the likes of Robin and Jenny. If you’ve been single for any amount of time you’ll know that this discussion on romance/love/single stuff gets old real quick. And I apologize but my psychologist/chauffer says I need to vent my frustrations.

Gosh, my heart has turned cold. While people were oohing and ahhing over love and marriage, during the evening, I found myself realizing that over the last year I have become quite the cynic. Sad. This eros/love/romance stuff just is all too much for me. It just seems so tainted to me. “Wah, wah, wah…” I can hear you all saying, “give me a break allan”. Hey this is just my lame opinion so deal with it.

And now the rant:
I just don’t like what I see. I feel like so much of what I see is consumer love. This love, this lame ass consumer love that so many subscribe to is just not what I choose. I didn’t know that love has so many checks and balances. I didn’t know that love is supposed to “match”. People want warranties and guaranties. They want to see the end product before they make the purchase. They want the euphoric feelings of “new” to last forever. (You know that feeling you get when you rip off that glossy plastic on a new cd or that wrapping paper off a special gift.) They want love to do and give, what I don’t think, real love does and gives. I know Christians claim otherwise but it’s the same thing dressed up in slightly more sanctified and spiritualized verbiage. But it’s the same.

Don’t get me wrong. The key words here are “not for me”. The good news is that I do believe that there is wonderful love out there for the fortunate few. I do. I believe that my roommate Marky Mark and Courtney are floating above the city on that ninth cloud. I believe Robin and Jenny after this first year of marriage are still up there. I get it okay, fine. But I will have you know that I have been up close, next to this other version and I have seen the cracks and fractures of this modern day idol named romantic love. I’ve been told that I just “still haven’t found what I’m looking for”. But I don’t think I could recognize it if it came my way... and I definitely don't have the energy to pursue it even if it did. Fine, fine, tell me I’m prematurely throwing in the towel. Perhaps, but I’m okay with that. A future of arguing with in-laws, 2.5 kids and the emerald green mini van has never really sounded that exciting to me anyway.

“Oh how the mighty have fallen.”

Limited Dating Warranty –

2005-07-01T11:33:00.000-05:00

WARRANTY COVERAGE
Relationship Warranty obligations for the dater and datee are limited to the terms set forth below:

Relationship Warranty Coverage warrants the dater and datee against defects in infatuation for a period of one (1) year from the date of original purchase ("Warranty Period").

If a defect arises and a valid claim is received within the Warranty Period, at its option, we will (1) repair the relationship at no charge, using new advice or re-runs from Dr.Phil or Oprah, (2) exchange the relationship with a relationship that is new or which has been manufactured from Hollywood or Disney and is at least functionally equivalent to the original “in love” stages of the previous relationship, or (3) refund the emotional price of the relationship.

If a defect arises and a valid claim is received after the first one hundred and eighty (180) days of the Warranty Period, a breaking up or making up charge will apply to any repair or exchange of the relationship undertaken.

EXCLUSIONS AND LIMITATIONS

This Limited Warranty applies only to the daters and datees that can be identified by the "committed" trademark, trade name, or logo affixed to it. This Limited Warranty does not apply to any non-committal losers or any “friends with benefits”, even if serious emotional heartache ensues. Non-committal manufacturers, suppliers, or publishers may provide a separate warranty for their own relationships.

We are not liable for any damage to or loss of any emotions, self esteem, or other heart conditions invested in this relationship, or any non-committal relationship not covered by this warranty. This warranty does not apply to damage caused by cheating, abuse, jealousy, dating games, or non-committal making out.

(i was reading my warranty for a product I purchased and the thought crossed my mind how wonderful it would be to have one of these for real life relationships...hence this post. Hehehe.)

time for a new look

2005-06-30T17:27:00.000-05:00

yeah, so I got bored with the greens and thought it was time to jazz things up. I'm not sure how long it will take for my face in the corner to annoy me but I’m okay with it for now. If anything doesn't work let me know. Macs and PCs don't seem to like each other too much. Okay, later.

From the tribe of the Red Necks.

2005-06-28T18:14:00.001-05:00

I once went to a FMX (Freestyle Motocross) event with Tyson. Tyson is a friend of mine from Tunnel Hill, Georgia. This was my first exposure to a certain North American tribe I was totally unaware of while living in Africa. I felt like Christopher Columbus discovering a new, unheard of, people. I must say that it’s been a phenomenal experience learning about, encountering and seeing this particular sub-culture firsthand. Here is some exquisite documentation of this all too rare people group from the great Americas.

that which is eternal

2005-06-28T00:09:00.000-05:00

I love seeing professionals. I love seeing people who are really, really, really good at what they do. There is a small church out here in the burbs that has “Excellence” as one of its core values. Along with that said value goes this quote by their pastor, “Excellence honors God and inspires people.”- B.Hybels. I concur. I can’t really speak for God but I can tell you that excellence inspires me.

Friday night I went Salsa dancing with the dancing Chicago masses. There were up to 200 of us sweaty people getting our groove on, out on that dance floor under the stars. (Fine, I know there are no stars in Chicago but it was outdoors okay.) Even though I believe the best dancer on the floor is always the one having the most fun, I was really amazed at the people who knew what they were doing. And I promise you I was not one of them. For real, it was stunning to see two people dancing together in complete perfect syncopation. I was inspired.

Saturday afternoon down at our North Avenue beach, where we bask every weekend, I got to see the 1# ranked beach volleyball player, Mark Paaluhi from Hawaii. (We also saw Vince Vaughan but he doesn’t half way impress me as much as Paaluhi did.) Paaluhi was good. He was excellent. He inspired me.

I want to be excellent. I want to be brilliant. I want to inspire. "I want to do something copius, something capacious, something cagunga!"
I want to take over the world. No….not really. But within me lies this smoldering fire that wants to be more. I think we all want to live a significant life. I guess my idea of significance and inspiring has very much changed over the years. I think I’m figuring out that true significance, God's way, must lie in that which is eternal. And that’s people. Not trophies, accolades, houses or bank accounts. People, people, people! That’s it and that’s all.

Griffin House

2005-06-20T17:48:00.000-05:00

After a very cool afternoon down at the beach, where I showed mike who his daddy is with some beach wrestling, I took off for a great show by the "Ten out of Tenn" tour at Schubas Tavern. 10 bands from Tennessee have been touring the land and last night they stopped in Chi-Town. I love Griffin House and he played last night. It was a sweet cozy atmosphere that amplified the melancholy longings that his song writing and music so intensely convey. I wouldn’t call it sad music. Melancholy to me doesn't necessarily equate sad. I would say thoughtful and sincere…. well, I loved it. If any of you get a chance to see him live, go for it. (You guys in London, check him out @ The Borderline- 29/06/05)

After the show we had drinks and good conversation and I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he sat at the bar sipping on his Blue Moon. My friend dared me to say the typical “I loved the show, thanks man” but my pride wouldn’t allow me to come off as an adoring fan. And plus, in my mind it just felt a tad weird addressing him as “Mr. House”.

“Well I ran into some trouble and headed out toward Liberty Line. I heard voices going in my head, you could be living more than you could be dying…But I feel I’m gonna make it to the line where freedom waits then this lonely prisoner can cross the boarder to a better state.”
Liberty Line (Audio Clip)

life is good

2005-06-18T01:25:00.000-05:00

I got in a little vehicle collision a week ago. A small frustrating bumper-to-bumper accident that involved a police station, recorded insurance calls and an investigator. What a pain in the ass this has all been. But really the only thing that bothers me is that I feel so accident vulnerable now. If you’ve ever been in an accident, you’ll know that you go through this experience the next few days where you feel like you are an accident waiting to happen. I can see it when I drive now….a huge 18wheeler Mac truck side swiping me into kingdom come. I think I’m ready. At every intersection I fire up a quick prayer telling them I might be coming home.

Apart from that, this past week was easy fine. My house is a buzz with eros, all three of my roommates are seeking out that summer loving…quite successfully might I add.
I feel I’m finding pleasure in the little things:
I inherited a record player, which I’ve always wanted, along with some classic albums such as Bob Marley and the Wailers Live, a couple of old Claptons and Springsteens etc. I had some great meals with some of my favorite people this week, Bill, Dave, Greg, Mary, Kondo. I love good conversation over a meal. It’s powerful. Small things made me smile deep down this week- My friend Sarah calling me to see how I’m really doing after she returned from a mission trip, Erin showing me pics on the computer of her foster kids that she works with, my new read from Tim called, "The Word and Power Church". The freedom friends have to call me late at night to ask me how I would feel if they died. All these things made me conclude that life is sweet. I feel so grateful for life right now, for grace from my small group for allowing me to break from regular teaching to having a heart to heart. I've even started running again.
…yeah folks, life is good even with the occasional bumper to bumper experience. I can honestly say, yes life is good and I’m lovin it!

i like what i like.

2005-06-10T16:27:00.000-05:00

On the drive in to work this morning with my coworker/chauffer I was sipping away at my breakfast, a big ice cold bottle of Gatorade, Frost. Mmm, my favorite. Laurel mentioned that she doesn’t like it. To which I replied, “well obviously you don’t like it,… its the drink of REAL Superhero’s”. This respone stemmed from my bitterness over our Superhero conversation from the day before. I admitted that my favorite super hero is Spiderman. I love his ongoing internal struggle, save the world or find his own personal happiness. I loved my Spidy out fit from years ago and always felt comfortable laughing at the other ridiculous superhero-wannabe kids who wore their underwear on top of their nasty sweat pants…like their favorite superhero’s.

Laurel likes Superman. I realize that I have a problem. I like what I like. And I don’t know why other people don’t all like what I like. I like Spiderman and everyone else should, I like Apple computers and everyone else should, I like Gatorade and everyone else should, I love Coldplay… and I expect everyone else to. But it’s not like that. We all like different things. Have you ever driven past a car that is totally pimped out and think to yourself, “what the heck was that guy thinking… does he really think that’s cool?” Yeah, you know what i'm talking about. Seriously, why do I have such a problem just letting people enjoy what THEY enjoy…? I realize that I need to let go. So if any of you want to share whom your favorite super hero is, I will try my best to be okay with it. Let me know…its good medication for this sickness I have.

P.S I also really, really like He-Man. Ahh, who can forget the days of “The Masters of the Universe”? Anyone know where I can get a pair of He-Man jocks?

midnight tonight!

2005-06-06T11:11:00.002-05:00

Today, June 6th is a great day! But tomorrow, June 7th is going to be even greater. Yeah baby, you guessed it. At midnight tonight I will be in Tower Records in Lincoln Park picking up my very own copy of X&Y. I am so amped! Who knew album releases can leave you feeling so euphoric!
Yes, I know I have a dental appointment tomorrow but I’ll be all smiles sitting in that chair, with soul vibrations pumping through my heart. Here’s to Chris Martin and the boys and the promise that this summer’s soundtrack is going to be magnificent! To ColdPlay!

the song in my heart today

2005-06-03T10:20:00.000-05:00

Just Like You - Jason Upton

I tried to walk on the water and found myself under the sea
So with water up my nose I felt your hand come close to save me
I’ve tried to cast out the demons I’ve gone to the darkest of regions
When fear has me shaking you suddenly break in to save me

I desire
To be like you
Like any son or daughter
I want to be like my Father
I desire to be like you

You promised to never forsake me
So I’ll risk it all if you’ll make me like You

You stand beside me just waiting while I try to go it alone
Smiling You say son come here won’t you let me just help you
But frustrated I try to make it cause I’ve just got something to prove
Not knowing that it is my weakness that perfects your power

I desire
To be like you
Like any son or daughter
I want to be like my Father
I desire to be like you

Audio Clip

figure drawing & good times

2005-06-01T00:49:00.001-05:00

In art school the Figure Drawing professor would get a student from the dance department, who didn’t mind being nude... or probably minded but needed the money more, and get them to inch by inch move ever so slowly across the class room while we would have to draw their figure in motion from one side of the page to the other. It’s as clever and weird as it sounds. Scribbling away I enjoyed the challenge of capturing as much as possible, making it as beautiful as possible with the time given. The conclusion of drawing motion looks like a messy scrawl of beautiful rhythmic lines.

This was my three-day weekend……..minus the nude dance student of course. In my mind, because I have not yet processed it, all I remember was so much activity being such a blast. (Canoeing, Chili’s, Frisbee, friends rugby, football, BBQ, biking, baseball, mysteries, shopping and of course pizza). It is not so much the “what I did” that I remember as the good and goofy conversations, the smiles, grins, lame jokes and ridiculous giddiness. These are the things I don’t want to forget. But like my scribbled motion drawing could not adequately capture the effect of motion so my words fail to capture the invisible qualities of a good time with great people. So I will stop.
Hope your 3days off were as sweet as mine.

p.s The Chicago White Sox, at home, stadium packed, great hot dogs, bottom of the ninth with bases loaded, 2 out, and then winning…now that’s a good time!

apostate paul & hang2

2005-05-25T00:35:00.000-05:00

I am sure you've had people who have come into your life whom you thought will always be friends…and then circumstances change, and it’s all different. I am sure you also have friends whom you just can’t shake. Time and test come and you know they are lifetime friends. No matter how your paths split and what direction your life takes, they somehow are still there. I always hope that I make lifetime friends. It’s hard to tell from the get go and I’m not sure what it is that makes the difference... but perhaps there is a bond that is formed in the quality of friendships you make that just cannot be broken. Since I have been here in the great US of A, I have made some amazing lifetime friends who mean so much to me.

Of recent I have been thinking about two clowns in particular. Probably because Paul came to chill with me for a week here in Chi Town and Hang just graduated with his MDiv. We were there cheering for him from the balcony. These two guys, I have prayed with, cried with and laughed with. Both have been my accountability partners. (which basically means they first laugh and then get real serious and tell me to stop being such a loser coz Jesus is crazy about me)

Hang and Paul are about to embark on new chapters in their lives. Paul is off to join the Peace Corps and save rare, exotic woman from the dangers of this cold and callous world. Hang is to serve on staff in a local Chicago church where he will begin his steady climb to become the first Vietnamese Pope in the history of the world. So here is a toast to you Pennsylvania boys;
“May the steps of your feet be ordered by the Lord and may His Spirit empower you to radically love Him and reflect Him before a dying and broken world. To Hang and Paul, follow close.”

total depravity

2005-05-19T12:44:00.000-05:00

“When you are moving at the speed of life, we are bound to collide with each other.” – crash

A week ago a group of people were leaving my apt after watching and discussing the movie CRASH. CRASH is an intense film about the prejudices, fears, ignorance and outcomes of racial collision. Set in diverse LA, a city notorious for its interpersonal distance, CRASH takes place on one single day of chaos. This movie is “intense” from start to finish.
But it’s been a week and specific lines and characters linger in my mind. I’m learning a silent valuable lesson as I process this movie in my thoughts. I’m not an overly race sensitive person and I feel like what bothered me most in the movie was not the racial conflicts that emerged but more the poor people to people relational failures that lead to horrific outcomes. We are so bad at relating to each other.
Keeping within this vein I have been thinking a lot about the blame we place on churches, schools, institutions, marriage, dating etc whatever and I can’t help but conclude that its not so much the structures or systems or whatever but it’s “the people”. People suck. Seriously, we fail all the time. We fail each other, and ourselves constantly. This one part of subscribing to Calvinism I am in full agreement with; man’s heart is totally depraved.

I know this is no great revelation or word of encouragement but perhaps more a lesson and call for me to be more gracious to other’s brokeness as well as my own. I need to be more gracious to my fellow commuters on the road. More grace giving to my sometimes messy roommates, and more grace giving to the awesome but fractured people doing this journey of life with me.

Seriously go watch the movie.

U2

2005-05-11T11:43:00.000-05:00

“One love, one blood, one life, you got to do what you should.
One life with each other: sisters, brothers.
One life, but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other, carry each other.
One, one.”

A short review
My ears are still buzzing. Like an atomic bomb went off and I can hear this fuzzy silence. I must admit I’m not one who hopes for the magic celebrity fairy dust to fall on me but being like 6ft away from the band was the most unreal thing. Seriously I made eye contact with Bono several times and because he was singing he couldn’t say it… but I could see it in his eyes, he was like “what’s up my African brother”. Sweet huh. That’s when he did the Africa focus dealio speaking about AIDS, DATA, The One Campaign etc. And then they performed my favorite U2 song ONE, with cascading flags and phenomenal effects. I got a sweet shot on my camera phone with the South African flag front and center. The band just kicked some serious booty. The concert just got better and better, song after song. It really was unreal, it was totally unreal apart from the sweaty pot smoking fans and the crazy drunk dude and dudette next to us and their incessant making out, the concert was off the hook. If last night were one’s only encounter with U2 it wouldn’t be hard to understand why they are called the greatest rock band of our time.

Mary girl, you rock! Paul would have loved it, but let’s face it you make a great rocker wing girl. (He and I had Counting Crows so you and I get U2- that’s fair. simple Concert Math 101.) And plus you rock way hard. Well, it’s always a privilege to hang out with me. (Haha.) Thanks. U2 forever….rock on!

Why my stock is low!

2005-05-09T02:32:00.000-05:00

Glossary:
Stock= a guys value in relation to the opposite sex
Points= partitions of value that make up his stock
Bottomed out= negative stock

Got it?
Okay so the theory is that guys hold a certain amount of stock that ups them in this game of love and life. The higher the stock, the greater the pool of potential bidders. Points are obtained either by being born with them, being given them or somehow earning them. For example my roommates both have very high stock. Mike is a tall dark and handsome surfer dude with a laid-back attitude and very sincere demeanor. (and he can cook!) Chris is an ex-football player who looks like he just walked off of the pages of a GQ magazine and is a great listener= total babe fodder. So lets face it booth my boys are off to a great start with high stock. GQ boy is on his way to Law school thus almost doubling his stock…oh and he’s just become a homeowner almost tripling his stock! (I’m very proud of him, he’s on top of his game.) Mikey just got back from 20 days of surfing perfect lefts (waves) in Indonesia and is all tanned up and ready for summer lovin. His stock is on a very positive, progressive rise. Okay so some of these things are the lesser value points that build your stock but you get the idea right?

I was talking to my urban youth worker bro Dave. Dave and I graduated together. Dave is originally from the cornfields of Michigan, but was delivered from there and now lives in the Chicago Southside hood. Dave and I commiserated about the current standing of our own stock and how it seems to get harder and harder to gain points as we get older…and apparently getting older itself subtracts points unless you’re a Sean Connery or Richard Gere dude. (those guys are like fine wine- better with age). Anyway, we spoke about how we both want to live in fairly dangerous settings thus minusing “security”, thus minusing high points. We also both don’t think we will make a lot of money being in ministry, (of course this depends on if I get that televangelist gig I applied for last month, double cross your fingers for me.) thus minusing “the perfect provider” attribute and so minus more points. But Dave smiles as he realizes his stock is still afloat. The fact that I plan on living 10, 000 miles away really, really bottoms out my stock. This fact alone halves my stock. So here I am in this dilemma. Coz let’s face it, even if I drove a Hummer, had the ridiculously good looking buns of Brad Pitt, the humor of Mike Myers, the bling-bling of 50cent and the do-gooder but ever so annoying personality of Ty Pennington I still would be plummeting!

So I’m looking for some intense creative ideas on how to up my stock. Seriously people, if you can think of how I can do this by still allowing me to live in Cape Town let me know! I will send $100,000 in real Monopoly money to the best idea! (shipping and handling not included)

ponder this story for the day...

2005-05-04T00:18:00.000-05:00

an excerpt

Author Tony Campolo, who makes a regular circuit as a chapel speaker on Christian college campuses, for a time used this provocation to make a point.
"The UN reports that over 10,000 people starve to death each day, and most of you don't give a shit. However, what is even more tragic is that most of you are more concerned about the fact that I just said a bad word than you are about the fact that 10,000 people are going to die today."
The responses proved his point: in nearly every case Tony got a letter from the Chaplin or President of the college protesting his foul language. The letters never mentioned world hunger.

What's So Amazing About Grace? -Visual Edition

roots & revolution

2005-04-30T03:29:00.000-05:00

Recently I have been thinking a lot about my family, my lineage and what makes me, me. I have been thinking a lot about the weird backgrounds that God chose to wire me together from. My blood is basically a toxic mix of Zambian, South African, Scottish, Portuguese, Malaysian, French and English. And this is why I sigh and give that “it’s-a-long-story-look” when people ask.

The pic above was taken at my parents wedding. My dad was 19 and my mom 18. Both my Papas (Granddads) at their sides…

Somehow my Grandparents had all come from somewhere else. My dad’s dad was a World War 2 British Navy officer settling into a more peaceful Zambia than the Great Britain he had grown up in. I guess he didn’t think Great Britain was all that Great after WW2. He did try moving back after 50yrs only to return to Africa 4 months later. (I tell you, Africa gets in your bones.) I also always thought it strange that an ex-Navy officer ended up living in one of the most land-locked countries in the world. Anyway, he is a fine Scotsman with a sharp wit and humor that would leave you rolling on the floor with snot and tears flowing freely. My Mom’s Dad was fleeing increasing racial struggles as Apartheid was being established in South Africa. He was an amazing craftsman and a man who would glide across the dace floor with my grandmother, smoother than Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

My family seemed to be running away from the world’s problems to find solace and sanctuary in a country of stunning beauty and peace.
And here I find myself running to the very problems they sought to protect me from. I’ll be honest, I grew up very privileged and enjoyed the best my country had to offer but I feel responsible as I have lived next door to poverty, felt the breath of racism and I have seen the cruel face of injustice.

Naïve perhaps but I want to fight in this Jesus revolution over my generation and be part of the struggle for redemption.

As I walk this journey I wonder where these roots, this mix, this God concoction will come into play. Perhaps like the Apostle Paul who was both a Jew and a Roman citizen, God in His sovereignty has something up His sleeve. Perhaps.

Okay now I’m rambling. I gotta be up early to try my luck at getting Coldplay tickets tomorrow! Ah, sweet sleep.

images

2005-04-28T01:18:00.000-05:00

So just a quick thought to share. You may have heard…we have had a sighting of the image of the Virgin Mary at the Fullerton/ I-90 underpass here in Chicago. An image formed from the salt stains and water on the wall of this underpass. It just happens that I get on and off that freeway exit everyday. And everyday I have witnessed the masses, cameras, candles, flowers, flags, beads and people… loads and loads of people coming to look, stare and pray.

I’m not kidding but I myself had a kind of spiritual moment as I drove past the crowds recently. My eyes glanced across the underpass and I saw a homeless man all alone with his shopping cart. And that is when I heard the Spirit speak His sadness to me;
“People look for the image of Mary in the stains on a wall but cannot even see the image of God in the eyes of a homeless man.”

say NO to genocide

2005-04-23T02:48:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went to go listen to Mr. Hotel Rwanda himself; Paul Rusesabagina. Thanks to the sweet hook up from Mary I got to hear an up close and personal retelling of the Hotel Rwanda story. From start to finish the small audience from the Latin School were all ears as he walked us through the 100 days of slaughter that destroyed his country and changed his life.

He spoke as a man with a strong opinion, not as a dancing politician or a trained spokesperson. It struck me that he spoke as an ordinary man who had made extraordinary choices when confronted by the face of death... the face of genocide.
As he challenged us on the Sudan and what we should be doing he used words like duty, obligation and international community. I thought about Darfur, Northern Uganda, DROC and Zimbabwe… these are today’s Rwanda. I thought about Africa. I thought about ethics and moral issues. I thought about the AIDS pandemic and the Malaria campaign I had worked on today (malaria recently claimed the life of one of the orphans I serve.) I thought about Fair Trade, corrupt politicians, grass roots indigenous ministries, NGO's and the UN. As a Christ one I was sitting there thinking about where the gospel, Jesus, God and His Church fit into all this?... all the while my old simplistic ideals being tossed out the window one thought at a time.

As I ate my dinner and went over my notes I thought about it all... and I stared out at the traffic in the rain and the people sitting in the 24hr Starbucks across the street, listening to live music while sipping on overpriced coffee. I thought.... I thought about going over there and getting myself a cup of over priced Unfair Trade coffee.
Argh...frustrated.
I thought about my life and what I’m doing and want to do and should be doing and am not doing…I thought myself into a headache and asked God to really navigate me through this, to make sense of it all.

I then realized that I need a think tank! I need smarter people than me whose hearts burn with a similar flame to join me in looking, thinking, loving and acting. So next Sunday night May 1st @ 7:00pm if you would like to come over I really want us to throw some tough thoughts out there. Mark it up, count it down and be there! Don’t forget, May 1st, May day, may-day, MAYDAY!

winona lake

2005-04-17T18:27:00.000-05:00

I am in Winona Lake, Indiana and it is just gorgeous here. Everything just screams out fresh spring beauty. I am visiting my best mate from high school, Kondo, his wife and kid. Kondo is the worship pastor and counseling pastor at his church.

Yesterday afternoon while he was practicing with the worship team I sat by the lake. It’s dangerous to sit by a beautiful lake when you are extremely thoughtful. With little to complain about and much to be truly grateful for I still came to the conclusion that my life, right now, is like a wheel spinning in the mud. So much effort and energy exerted for so little change.

I lay on the couch after a scrumptious evening bbq and inevitably Kondo and Melissa gave me a free consultation as they always do when I come down here. It is good to have loving people, who are some distance from your life, speak truth into it. I’m not going to divulge…don’t worry. But I do want to end by saying that I think every person should:
1. Have a lake to sit by where you can think deeply.
2. Have loving people who speak honest, hard words into your life when needed.
3. A place to go for a weekend that is away from your world.
4. A comfy leather couch to lay on after a sweet bbq.

Hope you are having a great day; it’s going to be a great week. Okay, see you when I see you.

fav movie lines

2005-04-12T00:44:00.000-05:00

Because of the excessive quoting of Reality Bites in the comments section of a previous entry…I am making an appeal to everyone who reads this to share their favorite movie line or lines and let us know why. C’mon share it, anything from Napoleon Dynamite or Office Space to Braveheart or Scent of a Women. Funny, meaningful, romantic (don’t go overboard Jenn) witty, anything… go ahead and bring it.

Since Reality Bites just had its 10th anniversary and I’m still hung up on the character of Troy, I will kick it off with some of his lines:

Troy: Well, should I get married, should I be good, should I astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and my Faustus hood and not take her to movies but to cemeteries and tell her stories of werewolf tongues and four clarinets... What 'Hey, That's My Bike' would like to do as a band is travel the countryside like Woody Guthrie.
Sammy: Or Richard Simmons. You know, how in his commercials he surprises people jogging...
Troy: As you can see, I have the occasional run-in with an anti-Hey-That's-My Biker and to those people I say nobody... nobody can eat 50
eggs.

the miniature earth

2005-04-06T16:44:00.000-05:00

I know many of you have already seen this...a gazillion times, but I looked at it again recently..... if you need a little perspective on life, take a look.
www.miniature-earth.com

the Illini, Hofbrau, pizza & miracle juice

2005-04-05T13:31:00.000-05:00

So Qball and I went to Ranalli’s pub to watch the tragic defeat of the Illini. We sat there drinking Hofbrau and Jamaican Red Stripe gripping the side of the table anxiously, and enjoying Chicago-style stuffed pizza and the enthusiasm of true Illini fans. I’m not sure if it was the combination of great German beer, our man-pizza we had created and the tension of the game but we both began to spin. Actually the whole room began to spin. Definitely not drunk but buzzing. Eventually the merry-go-round slowed down and we got off and headed home.

I woke at about 4am thirsty as ever. I went to the kitchen, scrounged for some old orange kool aid, mixed it up and downed half a pitcher. As I was leaving this morn, Q told me that he was dreaming of kool aid as he was so thirsty last night but knew we didn’t have any. He went over to the fridge anyway, found half a pitcher and thanked God for His abundant provision. Yes miracles do happen... in funny ways, I guess.
(Q is not so sure as the kool aid in the dream was red. You can’t have it all man.)

se7en minutes of delirium

2005-03-30T02:13:00.000-06:00

I came across this photo, from a few years back, of myself stuck in a sandy riverbed in rural Zimbabwe just before a serious thunderstorm. And boy did it come down. Like a cow pissing on a flat rock it came down. Luckily my friends had some asses (sorry, I just couldn't resist using this word) that managed to pull us out of there before the river flooded. As I reminisced over the pic I couldn’t help but wonder; …when did that reckless boy become a cautious man?

Have you ever slept beautifully and awoken to the warm sunshine seven minutes before the alarm clock… and all you want to do is pull your sheets tightly over your head and disappear for those perfect seven minutes. Ahhh, so good. Do you know what its like to be in that blissful state of delirium? Knowing its time to arise but lazily enjoying the last few shadows of weariness before it all begins.

As I sat at lunch with Scott today, I vocalized some healthy discomfort I feel with LIFE. As I listen to many of my friends and peers share the same or similar frustrations, I can’t help but question if we are unique or are these “issues” just young adult symptoms of that chronic illness known as growing up.

The older I get the more I fight to control my life. The more I fight the more I fear. A sadness haunts me when I think about how free I was to act and believe God would have me trekking through the deep African bush with less than a days notice. Today I am fully awake to the realities of getting your taxes in on time, investing, not getting into debt and planning for the future. To be honest I liked being half awake and free. I liked those seven blissful minutes of warm sunshine. Alas the buzzer has gone off, I have arisen to adulthood and there is no time for reckless, boyish freedom.

(oooh that came off sadder than I had originally thought.)

“I guess this is growing up”- blink 182

I promise I’m not a televangelist

2005-03-27T02:07:00.000-06:00

Tonight I fine dined Afghan style with David, Khalid and princess Kiran. We feasted on delicious; lamb shank, tikka kebabs and Nan bread. On my way I stopped over at the grocery store to pick up some Easter eggs for her highness and the latest Newsweek entitled "How Jesus Became Christ".

Returning home my roommate Q and I hooked up the projector and sound, turned down all the lights and settled in to watching the “Passion of the Christ”. It was as unsettling as the first time I saw it. More powerful without the hype surrounding it and this time the focus being on remembrance.

I returned to my room to retire, my mind filled with gruesome images that captured the sufferings of my Jesus. I lay down to read the Newsweek article, which was mainly church history 101 from the resurrection to the rise of Christianity.

Thoughts:
….. Tonight I feel proud to be a Christian, to be a Christ one. I feel deeply satisfied to be able to say I know Him. Not from a distance either, unlike an extra in the movie looking to play their part a little better or a curious Newsweek subscriber dipping into an Easter article. Jesus is not just a historical character or subject of interest to me. This may sound ridiculous but I know Him, that’s my Jesus there, scourged, hanging, falling, bleeding. This is the same Jesus who causes my heart to beat faster than a thousand drums when my spirit is in worship. The same Jesus who listens to me when I’m angry or alone confused and frustrated. This is Jesus who believes my life matters and wants me to be a part of His plan to bring redemption to this screwed up world. How awesome that I get the privilege of knowing Him. Not just meeting Him or getting an autograph. I get to KNOW Him! Every fiber of my being has the opportunity to be saturated by Him day in and day out.
Breathless.
Seriously, this is stunning. This is reality as strange as this may sound. So Easter cannot just be another holiday or March Madness high point. Easter is the apex Holy day where our souls should find fire in the remembrance and jubilation in the one we Know. Like I said I promise I’m not a televangelist but do you know him?

Abba, my soul delights in you tonight. Sweet Jesus I caused your wounds and your wounds heal me.

“Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.”
- John 17:3

die green beans, die!

2005-03-23T19:23:00.000-06:00

Have you ever hated something so ferociously that you would do just about anything to avoid them? That is how I feel about green beans. I swear…I sincerely hate them. And I know what you’re thinking… "you haven't tasted my Mom’s green beans." Or you are thinking… "ahh, the way I make them smothered in sauce..". You know what?…they could be triple dipped in Austrian chocolate and dusted in coconut flakes and I still wouldn't like them.

Once when I was a kid…ahh this is a traumatic memory for me, bear with me. I had those mean parents who made you clear all the food off your plate before dessert. And so I sat at the table swearing to myself that I would not undergo martyrdom from those green beans. I remember sneakily (is that a word? What! I’ve graduated I can make up words.) Anyway, I remember taking mouthfuls of those slimy, lanky, sick, disgusting beans, discreetly coughing them into my hand and then sliding them under my plate one at a time.
I was so jazzed with myself that I had managed to stealthily dismiss my helping of green beans undetected. I cheerfully asked to be excused from the table. Unfortunately I didn’t think far enough ahead into my plan. I forgot that after I was excused I would be asked to take my plate to the kitchen. Busted!

Guess what I had to painfully endure for dessert.

restless @ willow

2005-03-21T01:05:00.000-06:00

Tonight my roommates, a friend and I ventured out to the burbs to visit Willowcreek. Regardless of what some of you may think of this mammoth church, I personally love Willow. (I did an internship there and I just love those rich Christians doing big things for God.)

So anyway… The evening was fully creative with an amazing dance and a multi sensory experience of Jesus walk to Golgotha. Being blindfolded freaks me out as it is but walking with hundreds of people (and dodgy people from the suburbs) down a narrow hallway made me fully reluctant. But being the sheep that I am I yielded my goatish ways and engaged. Walking down a long dark hallway with voices screaming at you and than whispering evoked just a glimpse of the confusion and helplessness that Jesus must have felt on His walk and in His suffering.

Later we sat in a dim lit chapel in front of three huge crosses while a pianist played and we meditated… well, I tried, I mean, I really tried and I couldn’t! My being was so restless. My mind was going a million miles an hour. And here, in one of the most opportune times to let go I couldn’t. What an indicator of a life out of sync. How could peace be so far from me? Reminders of things I needed to do and things I didn’t need to do totally crushed me. Overwhelmed and stressed in my heart of hearts. Why couldn’t I just sit still and be calm before God???..... God eventually got to me. Eventually we made way through all the junk in my heart and began to speak. Sweeeet. Mmm…there is nothing like feeling your heart is being heard by the Father…nothing like feeling His smile.

I guess I’m not trying to tell a story or say anything too meaningful. I guess I just want to encourage anyone reading this that He really is listening. I mean, He really does care about what crap you’re going through. He knows confusion, he knows what its like to be stressed out and beaten down. He knows life is hard. He is listening.

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” - jesus

something very beautiful

2005-03-16T23:37:00.000-06:00

Another sick day at home! Sadly running out of hot chocolate and French Vanilla creamer… but awake enough to read.
[caution: if you have a tender heart and a sincere longing for heaven this may lead to leaking eyes.]

“And I go back to Eden, in my mind, to imagine what it is going to be like for you and me in heaven. I suppose it will be a new and marvelous paradise, where love will exist in its purest form, where the beauty of diversity will be understood for the first time, where self-hatred will fade into an agreement with God about the splendor of His creation, where physical beauty will no longer be used as a commodity, where you and I will feel free in our sincere love for others, ourselves, and God. And I suppose it will be in heaven that you and I actually understand each other, all the drama of the lifeboat a distant memory, all the arguments we had seeming so inconsequential, and the glory of God before us in all His majesty, shining like sunlight through our souls. This will be a good thing, my friend.” – d.miller

madison

2005-03-14T13:07:00.000-06:00

So…I got sent home from work today. Sick. My stubborn pride was dealt a blow as this is only the second sick day I have ever taken in my life so far. The first was 2 months ago. I hate this. My throat is on fire. I sound like Macy Grey and I don’t have the energy to read. So here I am at home nursing a double chocolate Swiss Miss hot chocolate with a tad of French vanilla. Ah, what sweet decadence sickness affords. My roommate Chris is also sick, he’s gone to get us lunch. Mmm…

This weekend I got to get out of the city. I went up to hang out with Tim who is on Spring Break. We walked on Lake Geneva and watched the ice fishermen, ice fish. That is one sport (?) I know I could be really good at without much practice. Sunday I got to go to Madison, which is a place, I have heard magical, mystical stories about both from Tim and Mary. I totally see why. I loved it. We attended Mad City in the morning but was told it was a very untypical service even though pastor Shane did preach, what I thought was an exceptionally balanced message on Evolution vs Creation while weaving in his famed “Genesis 1 God” message of love.

We went out with a few of Tim’s friends to a famous UW eat out spot. Tim took me on a very interesting and exciting tour of Madison and the UW campus, throwing in stories of days gone by, funny, sad… heart memories. I think walking down those paths of memory made me realize how life rolls on and how we are never stuck in one place as much as we may like or dislike it. Time has a way of marching on regardless. And life rolls on with it. Yeah well.

hot off the press-

2005-03-11T11:39:00.000-06:00

Just FYI-
Coldplay's new album X&Y will be released by Parlophone on 6th June, preceded by the single Speed Of Sound on 23rd May.

I know it's ridiculous but it feels like a small gap in the clouds

the death of love

2005-03-10T00:56:00.000-06:00

Sweet, whispering, elating love.
Chewy, rich, deep love.
Yummy, euphoric, sweltering love.
Costly, fresh, jubilant love.
Magnetic, inspiring, climactic love.
Pure, bold, aggressive love.
Hot, glossy, steady love.
Hysterical, sensitive, heart love.

Love defeated, broken, lost.
Love denied, abandoned, destroyed.
Love stolen, mocked, bleeding.
Love spilt, warped, damaged.
Love cracked, tortured, abused
Love angered, cut, miserable.
Love trashed, dropped, failed.
Love wounded, obsolete, dead.

Round Two

2005-03-07T18:58:00.000-06:00

Because I was told that my last answers to the Interview game were “sarcastic”, “not like you at all Allan”, “insensitive to accordion players”, “Crass (-apparently castrating a hog is crass? Who knew?) And “hurtful to everything country” I decided to do a redo. So here goes:

1) If you could ask god for an explanation of one thing NOT pertaining to your own immediate life, what would it be? Explain.
Answer: How was it possibly all worth it Lord?

2) Would you rather live in an ant farm as a human with an average intelligence …..
Answer: I got half way through this question again and was still totally exhausted. Sorry.

3) What do your friends say are your 5 most wonderful qualities?
Answer: I had friends before I gave my answers to the first interview, but now I don’t. But if I did they would say
a. “Passionate”. (I think they mistake my asthma for passion.)
b. “Allan, you really care about stuff.” (I would get bored of myself real fast if that was all I cared about.)
c. “You really go out of your way for other people.” (I believe strongly in loyalty, faithfulness, others… tripping up constantly, so much yet to learn.)
d. “You have a lot of faith” (only because I’m really good at running out of my own options.)
…wow, that was hard to write. That question just tempts pride. Did I succeed? Only God knows.

4) If you had to embrace a song as your life anthem, which would you pick and why?
Answer: Such a difficult question for someone who loves music. But there are 2 hymns that I think transcend music. And when I sing, if God accepts, in my sin stained worship, come from my heart and reach His ears. “Above the Throne of God Above” and “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.”

…I think 4 questions are enough for this round. Thanks again Barga.

Disclaimer: if anyone was offended, I apologize, I did not mean to cause an offense.

An Interview by Mary Barga

2005-03-04T20:55:00.000-06:00

1) if you could ask God for an explanation of one thing NOT pertaining to your own immediate life, what would it be? explain.
Answer: Why did God in His infinite wisdom and great mercy allow:
a. there to be so many damn country music radio stations?
b. Girls to be so brilliant and have so much power over guys?
c. Some hillbilly to invent the accordion?
d. But seriously now, why does he allow so many of His beloved creation to perish because of ignorance. (I’m a Calvinist obviously but I just don’t get it....I guess that makes me a 4point Calvinist....I just love Calvin and Hobbes!)

2) would you rather live in an ant farm as a human with an average intelligence …..
Answer: Blah, blah, blah…I got half way through reading this question and was totally exhausted. Sorry. I think I truly do have the intelligence of an ant.

3) what do your friends say are your 5 most wonderful qualities?
Answer: I don’t have any friends. But if I did they would say:
a. That I am smokin’ hot. Seriously. “If you want my body and you think I’m sexy….everyone, sing-a-long, come on girl and let me know.... We have a Piper down, I repeat, a piper down.” – So I Married An Axe Murderer
b. My abundance of rare skills. For example I can whistle every gap between the notes of Handel’s Messiah backwards while castrating a hog. And I’m pretty good with a bowstaff.
c. I don’t have Cankles. (Cankels are legs that lack shape. Many old ladies and some girls have this problem. It is when it becomes difficult to distinguish between their calves and their ankles.) Yeah I don’t have that problem.
d. I am emotionally stable. Most of the time. Well, mainly on weekends and mostly just on Saturdays… before noon that is.
e. It's so obvious, duh, my humility. Really, I am about the most humble person I know.

4) if you had to embrace a song as your life anthem, which would you pick and why?
Answer: Happy Birthday or that new song in the soundtrack to the new "Pray of Jabez" movie coming out this summer.....(kidding, how awful would that be. I'd become Buddist or something cool sounding.) Seriously, it's music so I can't kid around. One Love/People Get Ready- Bob Marley This song is so beautiful, vibrant, honest, worshipfully, about friends, struggles, good and evil, community, life, Jesus returning. I can listen to this song a gazillion times and never get tired of it. “Let’s get together and feel air’ighte!”

5) someone chooses to write a detailed biography of your life - by writing the exact opposite. detail the opposite life in three stages: childhood, teen years, and your 20s.
Answer: Childhood- Allan was an amazing, brilliant gifted child. Always seen but not heard. He never wet the bed ever.
Teen Years: Allan was an amazing, brilliant gifted teen. Respected adults and always did what he was told. He never ever wet the bed, ever.
20’s- Allan was amazing, brilliant and gifted in his 20’s. He was studious and hard working. He never ever, ever wet the bed, ever! I promise I don't.

...thanks barga, that was a little amusing.

What do YOU want?

2005-02-28T00:12:00.000-06:00

I watched the Notebook this week. And you know what…I don’t care what anyone thinks, I’m down with chic flicks…and I don’t feel any need to explain myself.

Do you know what it’s like when you watch a movie and one particular scene just hits you and for hours and even days after you can hear that dialogue echoing in you? There is a scene in this movie when Allie comes back from a morning out with her mother to speak with Noah. Noah and Allie stand by her car yelling at each other until Noah disarms her by telling her who they are. He tells her that it will be hard and that they will have to work at it and he tells her that she needs to decide what she wants regardless of what everyone else around her wants. Not what he wants or what her parents want or anyone else. “What do you want? What do YOU want?”

God asks us this question so often. Recently I have realized that God does give wisdom to anyone who asks without finding fault. (James 1:5) You see, I ask Him for it, He gives it to me but I don’t use the wisdom to make the decision. I tend to make up an excuse that I am waiting to hear His will when I know His will is for me to use the wisdom He has given me. Follow?
Ahhh…crazy huh. Sometimes I think He wants us to JUST make a decision instead of lingering in the valley of decision forever. When our motives and intentions are good and perhaps we make a slightly not so good decision, I think God has an amazing, awesome way of righting our wrongs for His purposes. This kind of thing sounds more like faith walking to me than waiting to know 100%. Who honestly has ever known anything 100%?
So….what do YOU want?

soundtrack for the day

2005-02-21T10:22:00.000-06:00

Today is totally a Coldplay day in Chicago. The dude I work with came into the office singing Kenny Rogers…really!?! It is clearly not a Kenny Rogers day. Seriously, it may be overcast and a Monday morning but can you feel it? Yes...there is a fresh breeze of hope in the air. This is obviously a Coldplay day. Go ahead, choose any of their albums but I highly recommend “Coldplay Live 2003”. Enjoy

(p.s like really, when is it ever a Kenny Rogers day?)

Hitch

2005-02-17T19:50:00.000-06:00

So my B/Day has come and gone…a good one. Valentines Day has come and gone… also a good one. And I managed not to write any cynical or nugatory words about either of these landmark days.

I must say, I did go see the movie Hitch on Tuesday night, which was more than a good laugh. Big Willie was his usual smooth self but gave away far too many “guy dating secrets” than I was comfortable with. But since I have become a committed advocate for the “don’t play games” dating method, I think that perhaps there shouldn’t be any dating secrets on either side of the fence. So let me share one that I hope will help both parties, come that day of war; also know as the first date.

Guy Secret #1
(this next part sounds better when read with the imaginery voice of Bernie Mac.)
After, in the car on the way back, a comment was made that guys should really listen when on a first date, which I totally agree with, but I found myself defending the fact that this is a huge undertaking for a guy on a first date. You see most girls don’t realize the unfortunate context a guy is in on his first date. Though he may be calmly sitting there across the table, know that he is in the middle of a transparent hurricane of self. The thing is girls, guys are fighting an invisible battle while the pursuit is on. And I’m not talking about just being nervous, I’m talking about the high stakes. See it’s not the impression he leaves with you that he is mostly concerned about.
Nhhooo, that be the myth. The truth is, he has put himself, his identity, his ego, and his value on trial and as much as he hates it; you become his judge. I’m not saying its right, and yes John Eldridge I know a guy shouldn’t ask a woman to name him but somehow that first date invokes a stamp of acceptance or rejection. Heavy huh. And I know there are “yeah, buts” and “what if’s” but generally speaking first dates are just painful for guys. But guys if you fall off the horse, get back on there. Remember you’re a 100% cowboy no matter what she may name you. Way too many brothers out there dating their T.V’s and cuddling with their remote controls, hiding away when they are supposed to be at war. Get over yourselves and get out there!

Sojourners & Acts Ch2

2005-02-11T16:14:00.000-06:00

Everyday for the last 40 days I have been reading, rereading and meditating on Acts Ch2. I myself am convinced that Act Ch2 is our blue print for authentic Christian life for such a time as this.

On Wednesday night after some Knight Rider maneuvers on the freeway, yet still 40 minutes late, we managed to squeeze into the back of the little stone chapel. Jim Wallis, founder of Sojourners Magazine was introducing his new book, “God's Politics: Why the Right Gets it Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get it”. He was speaking on a panel with two other women who were really smart, very progressive, very democrat and were self-proclaimed evangelicals. It was a hot box of passions and opinions. I agreed and disagreed…it was sweeeet. Yep, there is nothing like being righteously worked up. It stirred me deeply and to be stirred is to know that your heart still works. My heart so comes alive in this environment when Christians are unapologetically and thoughtfully using their minds and faith to sincerely bring the redemption of the Gospel to every facet of society.

I won’t even attempt to dive into it with one paragraph to go. But I do want to throw out a simple question that has been rattling around in me from my Acts 2 meditations that Wallis neatly articulates in his book; “How do we get back to a historic, biblical, and genuinely evangelical faith rescued from its contemporary distortions?”
Thoughts?

I do want to give a shout out to the brilliant minds that dragged me out there. Kat and Mary (Sojourners advocate at large). Thank you gals for the deeply thoughtful convo after. (I still can’t believe you guys got free drinks and I had to pay. Please Kid Remember is going down!)

bumper stickers

2005-02-04T13:32:00.000-06:00

This week I have driven into work and noticed several interesting bumper stickers. My wicked side grins when I read the “Horn broken watch for finger” kinda stickers.

But it’s the fish-truth stickers that grab my attention. You know the whole Darwin-evolving-fish-with-feet sticker that gets me thinking. Thinking about the person driving the car, I inevitably drive up to look at them and spend the next few minutes thinking about the sad series of events that led them from being an unknowing kid to an anti-God adult.

This week, listening to Jim Cymbala and Ravi Zacharias at Moody Church, I have been really impressed by their tough-truth-of-God-shared-in-humility-and-love style of preaching. I guess I’m just not a bold Fish-I’m-a-Christian-in-your-face-bumper-sticker fan. I think we should pursue the harder way of conveying the gospel of love rather than turning our relationship with God or our witness into some sort of sports fan like loyalty or political party allegiance or even into some sort of “look I’m not ashamed of the gospel” kind of test. So what’s the answer? Maybe there should be a bunch of bumper stickers that say stuff like “Jesus loved Darwin” or something more lovingly truthful. Or could that still be a little snide?… I don’t know in fact I don’t really care either. I guess I just love how the early church conquered North Africa for Jesus by rescuing abandoned babies on the rubbish dumps outside the cities. It wasn’t because of the fish stickers on their chariots but because of their love in action- that's powerful witness. Perhaps the time has come for us believers to shut our stupid mouths and love more extravagantly…I just feel that way... coz lets face it few people are really listening to our exhausting religious banter we call the gospel.

(Maybe I’m saying all this coz I don’t drive christian enough to deserve a fish sticker on my car. But I do have a very cool bumper sticker on my fridge that says “Abstinence pays, who wants genital warts.”)